Tracer's day

Does this bronchitis make me look fat?

2012-01-05T14:40:00.004-07:00

I have a pretty severe case of bronchitis. I have been hacking for weeks now, thinking it was just a cold and that I would recover any day now. A friend finally talked me into going to the doctor. This friend is named Fronk, and I'll save his story for another day.

Apparently I had a sinus infection that spread down into my lungs. Anywho, I am off work the rest of the week and plan to stay in bed all day today. Last night I watched movies with Jared and lounged on the couch. Being sick sucks, but having an excuse to stay in your pajamas and chill with your sweetie is kind of awesome.

I lost 60 pounds when I had cancer a few years back, and the weight is coming back at a rapid pace. I am up to 160 and that doesn't seem to be holding. 160, contrary to popular belief, is not an unhealthy weight. I know my body, and I know that I feel no better at 140 than I do at 160, but I look better with a few less pounds (unless of course you ask most men, who like curves-sorry skinny girls, they do). But, the clothes I currently have fit me better at 150, and if I keep on the track I am currently on, I will continue to gain.

Jared is motivated now too, which will very much help me. Time to put up the Christmas candy and indulgent attitude and start tracking what I consume and increasing my physical activity. Trouble right now is that all I want to do is eat while I am sick, and I can't exercise much when my lungs don't work. So...I will focus this week on getting the rest I need to recoup, eating healthy, (stop staring at me bag o' Christmas candy!) and making a plan for next week when I am back to work and feeling better.

It may be a New Year's cliche, but nevertheless, it's diet time. There are those who read this who will say diets don't work, you need a lifestyle change. Yes, I will be changing my diet...hence it is a diet. Pedantics people. Pedantics.

The truth is out there - Fox Mulder

2011-12-03T21:05:00.003-07:00

Brigham Young said, find the truth for yourself

I am more afraid that this people have so much confidence in their leaders that they will not inquire for themselves of God whether they are led by Him. I am fearful they settle down in a state of blind self-security, trusting their eternal destiny in the hands of their leaders with a reckless confidence that in itself would thwart the purposes of God in their salvation, and weaken that influence they could give to their leaders, did they know for themselves, by the revelations of Jesus, that they are led in the right way. Let every man and woman know, by the whispering of the Spirit of God to themselves, whether their leaders are walking in the path the Lord dictates, or not.” (Journal of Discourses, 9:150

Some of my friends and family were debating gay marriage on a social media site today. One person argued that the church tells us what to do and what to believe. Brigham Young was one of the early prophets of the restored church. I hope I have instilled in my children the importance of finding out for themselves what their beliefs are, and not blindly following any person, church leader or otherwise.

Also- I love The X-Files and Fox Mulder with all my heart. David Duchovny, why don't you love me?

A lovely Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T21:24:00.005-07:00

I love the holidays. Halloween starts off the festivities with its whimsical costumes and creative parties, followed by families gathering for traditional fare, reflecting on the many blessings we have in our lives. Tomorrow, the Christmas season officially begins. I love Christmastime best of all the holidays.

I am not a materialistic person, but I like the idea of gift giving. On Thanksgiving, I focus on those things that I am thankful for, and then when the shopping begins tomorrow, I think about what I can give to others. I don't have much extra to spend for Christmas this year, so I will have to be creative and frugal.

I have asked Jared for perfume. I would love to buy a flatscreen TV for a family gift. Best Buy has a 42" for $199. I can't believe how cheap TVs are right now, but this may have to wait for another Christmas. This year, perfume and a Christmas day spent with all 3 of my children for the first time in 2 years will be better than any gift I could buy on black Friday.

Why follow me, lost as you swear I am - Collective Soul

2011-11-20T19:04:00.002-07:00

Collective Soul is one of may all time favorite bands. A few years back, I was in an abusive marriage and the lyrics to their song, December, struck a cord in my heart, and helped me to realize that I was staying with and following a man who was lost. How could I get to higher ground, following someone who was lost? Through the help of some great friends, God, and yes, even music, I left the relationship and have since found "higher ground", and peace in my life.

I checked out the statistics on my blog today. There are over 63 people following me, and there have been over 14,000 hits on my page. This amazes me. I started my blog shortly after discovering that I had cancer in an attempt to keep family and friends updated on my treatment, and hoped that one day someone going through the same type of treatment might stumble across the blog and find hope and perhaps a bit of humor.

As I looked at the stats, I wondered, who are these people following me and taking the time to read about my silly life? I have started following some of you, and it is fun to get to know you through your posts. I hope that I have made a few of you laugh, occasionally given you something to think about, and that in following my blog, you are not following someone who is completely lost (although I do feel quite discombobulated at times).

Lyrics to December, by Collective Soul (check them out)

Why drink the water
from my hand?
Contagious as you think I am
Just tilt my sun towards
your domain.
Your cup runneth over again.

Don't scream about
Don't think aloud
Turn your head now baby
Just spit me out
Don't worry about
Don't speak of doubt
Turn your head now baby
Just spit me out

Why follow me to higher ground?
Lost as you swear I am.
Don't throw away your basic needs,
Ambiance and vanity.

December promise you gave unto me
December whispers of treachery
December clouds are now covering me
December songs no longer I sing

He left as a boy and returned as a man.

2011-11-17T19:21:00.004-07:00

...an immature man, but a man nonetheless. My favorite thing about Chris's personality is the boyish, innocent, joy that radiates from him so brightly that you can't help to catch it. He is perhaps the happiest person I have had the pleasure of knowing, and I get the honor of being his mother.
Chris chose to leave our home for 2 years to do missionary work for our church. For the past 24 months, he has lived in Seattle, Washington, teaching people of Christ, and having a bunch of fun doing so.
His testimony has grown, his love and understanding of the gospel has increased, and the memories of this experience will have a positive impact on the rest of his life.
Christopher brightens my home and helps me to be a better person. I look forward to spending time with him. We plan to study scriptures together, and have already begun praying together. My house feels like a home again :)

so I told the doctor, zombies don't need red blood cells....then I devoured him

2011-11-11T23:51:00.003-07:00

I had my 6 month check-up with the Oncologist a few days ago. Lymph nodes look good. The doc gave me a rather thorough pat down to check for any nodes that may be swollen.
Blood work came back with some issues. I am anemic, more so than I was just after chemo. My body just is not producing enough red blood cells to recover from my period each month. I am now taking hormones to stop my periods (birth control), and am taking a high dose of iron each day with orange juice. The side effects from taking iron pills are not fun, but I will have to manage those if they come up. My doctor will call me Monday with more information, instruction.

My thyroid level is low again as well, so I will start taking a higher dose of synthroid.

I will be going in shortly to have a camera gently SHOVED up my nose to get a visual on the cancer site to ensure that it isn't growing back. In the mean time, I just need to worry about getting my iron up and my thyroid under control. No wonder I have been so lethargic. If anyone has suggestions on managing low thyroid and/or iron, let me know!

PS: My doctor is a cutie. Single too.

They Might be Giants, and I might be on my way to gianthood

2011-11-05T18:49:00.002-06:00

I have gained 40 pounds back of the 60 that I lost during cancer treatment. I know that makes some of my female friends nervous, as did my weight (180 lbs) prior to cancer. I find this humorous, but also quite disturbing. A short time ago I was dying. At one point, I consumed less than 200 calories a day. I was close to starving to death. My body was so weak, that my children had to help me walk from my bedroom to the bathroom for a time.
Now, I am healthy. I feel great, and I look smokin' hot compared to the pasty, gaunt 120 pound woman slowing being poisoned by her doctors. I see my friends deny themselves dessert, and stress about gaining a few pounds or moving up a size in clothing. I am happy that they don't have bigger issues to deal with, but man...life is short. Live it up, and please don't fault me when I attempt to do the same.
I liked being thin, but I love having breasts again...that I did not have to pay for. I love my curves, and I love the giant muffin I am going to devour shortly.
Obesity has it's own set of issues. I plan to keep my weight in check, just know that I will look like a real woman, and I will eat like one too.

On a happier note: My boyfriend and his roommate took me to a concert last night. They Might Be Giants, and Jonathan Coulton. If you have never been to a "geek" concert, GO! It was a great night!

Purple Rain or The Room Formerly Known as White

2011-10-22T21:03:00.003-06:00

This weekend my sister came to town to help me paint the guest room. The guest room is actually Chris's room that he will stay in for a few months when he returns from his mission. For some reason, I got it in my head that I wanted to paint the room purple. I bought the purple paint, then came to the realization that it may upset Chris to come home to his old room...with the new Barney feel to it. So, I took the paint back to Lowe's to have them change the color. They were able to add black to the paint to make it a smokey grey/blue. After bringing the "boy" paint home and beginning to cover the walls, I realize that the grey/blue, is actually still very purple. Chris is not one to complain, and I'm sure he will be fine with the room. He is only planning to stay here for a couple of months, but I secretly (blogging publicly) want him to stay for much longer. When Chris arrived at one of the apartments he stayed in while on his mission, he found the bed spread to be covered in Disney princesses. He thought it funny, but his brother didn't, and promptly purchased a Steeler's blanket and mailed it to him. I adore my boys, and have very much enjoyed raising them. My taste in furniture and home decor has largely been masculine, but I need something feminine in my house now. A woman's retreat, if you will.

The final countdown!

2011-10-16T22:08:00.003-06:00

2 years ago my youngest son, Christopher, committed to serve a prosthelytizing mission for our church. He left his job, friends, family, and even his girlfriend to spend the next 24 months, unpaid, teaching all who would listen about Jesus Christ. He was sent to Seattle, Washington. Each week Christopher and I email each other. I have seen such a transformation come over him. I love our missionary program. We send 19 year old boys out into The world, and they come back mature, patient, learned men. We send girls out, and they come back beautiful, spiritual, strong women. They learn social skills, public speaking skills, and learn to trust God and love man.

Next weekend I will be painting his old room, and getting things ready for him to come home. I have missed him greatly and will be happy to have him home, but I am so happy that he chose to go.

Separation anxiety

2011-09-19T06:56:00.002-06:00

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation-Kahlil Gibran.

While I enjoy alone time, where I can read, ponder, watch television, or do basically anything I fancy, I love to be around people as well. I especially like to be with my significant other. I am trying to work out what to do now that I am seeing an introverted man. He needs a lot of time away from people in order to re-set, where I gain energy from being around others. I have an active social life, and am able to fill much of my week with other friends, seeing him only a couple times a week, but there are times where this just isn't enough for me, and there are times where it is overload for him.
Comments? Suggestions? Can these two different personalities ever truly be happy together?

Relationship pulp

2011-09-04T21:20:00.003-06:00

Communication is not one of my strong points, as either of my ex husbands could confirm. This is something I am working on in my current relationship. I am dating an awesome guy who seems to be willing to give me just about anything I need. The trouble is, I don't know how to ask for what I need. I know how to vent to people about not getting those needs fulfilled (talking emotional needs here), and I am an expert at brooding, then blowing up about something totally unrelated. I am not a fan of self help books, but I just may pick something up on communication. Any suggestions?

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians..."

2011-08-17T23:34:00.003-06:00

The following is a quote from Gandhi. "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." Sadly, this is far too often the case with both Christians and non Christians alike.

Our lives, our families, and our world can only be improved by living by the principals taught by Jesus, Gandhi, and other spiritual leaders.

I am a Christian. I love the New Testament and I love Christ. Whether you believe that He is the Savior or not, your lives will only be enhanced by reading about his life and ministry, and living by the concepts he teaches. I feel the same way about Gandhi, Buddha, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, and many other peaceful leaders.

I challenge all to choose a peaceful leader and study them this year. Learn about them and do what you can to incorporate their teachings into your life and into your character. You will learn more by doing this than by reading a bookshelf full of self help books.

If you take this challenge, post a reply on my blog, my facebook (tracy.duvall), or send me an email. I would like to know who you choose to study, and at the end of the year, I would like to know how it has affected your life.

Religion according to me

2011-07-19T12:13:00.002-06:00

I am member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. AKA a Mormon. A friend of mine recently stopped coming to this church and is now attending a bible study group. She is very happy there, so I am happy for her. Something she said bothered me a bit, though. She commented that her bible study group is much more Christ oriented than the "Mormon" church. One thing is clear to me as a member of this church who attends meetings regularly, and even teaches a class each Sunday, this church IS a Christian church. We teach and believe that Jesus is the savior. However, (doctrine according to Tracy) I don't believe that we were sent here to focus our entire lives on Christ. We were sent away from him to LIVE. He is still accessible for guidance, we should be focusing on living our lives. We can best do this by abiding by the guidelines he has given us, and communicating with him through prayer and scripture study regularly, but our focus should be on living our lives, improving ourselves, and helping others along the way. Much like when we leave our parents home to start our own family. Ideally, we are taught the basics in our homes, then we leave our parents to create our own families and continue to learn and grow. Our parents should still be handy for us to commune with, but there are other things we need to focus on. Don't stray from the good things you have been taught, keep in touch, and live your best life.

Warning! Controversial post.

2011-07-01T23:45:00.005-06:00

This is a subject that some will disagree with, namely, women who were alive in the 60's, or at any time since, but one that I feel very passionate about. Women, while every bit as capable as men at most things, are in fact, different, and there is nothing wrong with embracing out femininity. None of us are the same, and our degree of femininity varies, but those things that make us different than men, should not be seen as a weakness. Men don't see it as a weakness in us, but for some reason, many women do. Men, in fact, embrace our femininity, and see strengths in us through it and because of it.
This is not to say that a woman can't change the oil in her car, or man a welding torch, or change a tire, she can do all of those things and still be a woman. She does not have to become a man in order to enjoy traditionally male hobbies or jobs.

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Being feminine doesn't mean dressing provocative, and you don't have to slather your face with make-up or wear 3 inch heels, but do something to set yourself apart from men. Embrace your womanhood! Little things help me to feel more like a girl, and I honestly feel prettier and happier when I do them. Painting my nails, doing my hair, and shaving my legs all help me to feel prettier, and increases my self confidence. I was not born pretty, but make up sure tricks me into feeling like it some days :)
.
For my single girl friends out there, if you are looking for a man, then know that they are looking for a woman.

For my married girl friends, continue to take care of yourself physically for your husband. You expect him to continue to support the family, and fix things around the house. You do what you can to keep yourself pretty for him. I promise you, this will make him every bit as happy as it makes you when you come home to find that he has done something around the house.

Free Nachos!

2011-06-29T21:45:00.005-06:00

I started my new job today, providing customer service for the United States Post Office. I picked an awesome day to start, as it was the company's summer picnic. Every new job should start with free nachos!

I will have a couple of weeks of training, then move on to the phones. Hopefully my vocal chords will hold up. Because of the radiation damage, I start to lose my voice when speaking for a prolonged period of time, even with a constant intake of water. Ice often helps, but I won't have the luxury of ice chips at my desk. Perhaps I should ask for a priesthood blessing to help me out.

This cannot be possible! 40???

2011-06-20T09:09:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is my 40th birthday. 40. I don't know how this is happening. Sure, I have grown children, and even grandchildren, but 40 just seems unreal to me. I play Rock Band. I eat ice cream for dinner. I still get acne!
While I realize that 40 is just a number, it is a very large number, and I don't particularly like it. It seems to put me into a whole other category of people. I am dating a man who is in his thirties. The dynamics won't change after tomorrow, but it feels as though they will.

I loved the previous decade. I was much wiser in my 30's than my 20's, but still felt young. I looked better in my 30's, and I enjoyed life much more than ever before.

I will be 40, but I will continue to wear Pink Floyd t-shirts, play video games, and eat dessert for dinner. I will still be me. The question is this: Will I look ridiculous with a hot pink stripe in my hair, and will a man in who is still in his 30's want to marry a 40 year old?

Going postal!

2011-06-17T01:22:00.003-06:00

I start a new job in a few weeks as a customer support agent for the United States Post Office. The pay isn't bad, and the benefits are great. I am looking forward to going back to work! The last two full time jobs I have held introduced me to some amazing people, many of whom I am still in contact with.

Kalynn, Max, Loni, Sara, Erika, Shauna, Cory, Jeff, Jon, and so many others, thank you for making long work days seem short, and for listening when I needed an ear.

I truly believe that something can be learned from every person we interact with. I hope to learn much and to be able to give much to the new people I meet on this new adventure.

These times, they are a changin'

2011-06-06T23:02:00.002-06:00

Every once in a while our lives are shaken up and we are forced to change our usual, comfortable routines. For over a year now I have been spending Monday nights with a group of incredible friends who have made such a positive impact on my life. Rebecca, Timothy, Jared: I will miss you and I will miss the fun we had and the uplifting, spiritual conversations; I looked forward to them every week.

Rebecca and Timothy are moving on to a new life, in a new state, with a new family. I am excited for them and wish them luck in their new adventures.

Tomorrow Rebecca and I will be going to the temple with our friend Jeana. What a beautiful place to spend the morning with such great people!

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

2011-04-03T10:58:00.002-06:00

I love my church! Love it! This weekend we meet in our homes, in our church buildings, and in our lovely conference center in Salt Lake City, Utah, to listen to the leaders of our church teach and share their love of the savior with us. The counsel we have received so far includes love one another, care for the poor and needy, share the gospel when prompted to do so, listen to the spirit of the Holy Ghost, and many, many other things. The married brethren were counselled to be better husbands and the single brethren were told to seek for and marry single women. Every six months we are blessed to be reminded of the purpose of the gospel and the love that the Lord has for each one of us. The general conference of the church edifies me and renews my desire to be the best person I can be. My testimony of Jesus Christ grows when I listen to the leaders, and when I pray, read scriptures, and listen to the Holy Ghost. Yes, I very much love this wonderful church that I belong to!

Service for a service animal

2011-03-15T16:34:00.002-06:00

Last night and this morning some friends of mine (Rebecca, Jared, and Jeana) came over to my place to build a wheel chair for an injured service animal. The animal is a dog that belongs to a deaf girl who goes to my school. While I love to do service for others, I would not call myself handy by any means. Thankfully the other three people involved are great with designing and building just about anything. With a couple of trips to the hardware store and a few hours of their hard work and my encouragement in the form of pie, it looks like the dog will have a new wheel chair, the student will have her dog back, and perhaps some good karma will be thrown in the general direction of me and my dear friends.

Play tonight

2011-03-11T10:21:00.003-07:00

Things will Steve are going well. He is funny and sweet and all around charming. Tonight we are going to a school play that one of his daughters is involved in. It should be a lot of fun!

What does one wear to a school play/date? Jeans and a sweater?

The Word

2011-02-25T23:56:00.003-07:00

I have been immersing myself in scripture lately, and I am loving it! I recently finished the Book of Mormon and the Pearl of Great Price. I am now reading the New Testament. I read before I get out of bed in the morning and before falling asleep. It brings such peace and clarity to my soul.

Refer a Friend - Fastweb

2011-02-25T10:05:00.000-07:00

Refer a Friend - Fastweb

Dating can be fun...who knew?

2011-02-23T21:58:00.004-07:00

Steve came down last Sunday for dinner. I decided on Lemon Chicken, cheesy potatoes, and honey glazed carrots. I didn't burn dinner, YAY! We are going out again Friday to see a movie and perhaps dinner :)

This week is mid term week at school. I had an exam in history today and will be taking my math final on Friday. Math has been so difficult for me, but I am starting to get it. My awesome friend Rebecca has been tutoring me. Her patience and kindness amazes me.

Family is in town, cancer can now leave.

2011-02-18T08:45:00.003-07:00

My sister, Barbara, is here for the weekend. It is always great to have her here. She is awesome! Tyrel, my awesome son, gave me a king size bed and Barbara helped me put new bedding on it last night. This bed, I love it, but it is a monstrosity! It takes up nearly all of my room, which is hilarious since it is only me sleeping in it.

I have a date with Steve tonight. 3rd date. We are watching a play that his daughter is performing in :) Sunday he is coming down for dinner. I have no idea what to make...Suggestions anyone?

Now for some dreaded cancer news (that doesn't involve me): An old friend of mine just had a double mastectomy. So sad when someone loses the girls, but as with any cancer or other illness, you learn to live with whatever it throws at you and you move on.

I found out yesterday that another old friend of mine, Lourdes, whom I worked with at Auto Meter, passed away in December. She had cancer as well. Cancer sucks. Plain and simple, it sucks. My neighbors have it, my friends are dying and losing body parts because of it. It just plain sucks!

Update on the date :)

2011-02-11T17:33:00.002-07:00

So I went on the date last week and it was a ton of fun! We went to Joe's Crab Shack where I tried lobster and other sea food for the first time. The food was great as were the people and conversation. We made plans to see a play next week.
Tonight I am going target shooting at a range with my new gun. A friend gave it to me for safety reasons and I want to get used to it in case I ever need it (let's hope I do not). It is a high point hand gun and it is incredibly ugly, but I will feel much more safe having it in my home (locked up of course).

Tomorrow I am helping my ward out with a Valentine's party. I will be working in the kitchen, and I guess they will be spot lighting me. I picture a giant spotlight being shone on me, highlighting my already too big pores, while an announcer introduces me as the single lady who is now healthy enough to marry again! Does anyone here have an uncle or a creepy single brother lurking around that needs a woman, because Tracy here could sure use a man!

If you know me, then you realize that I am being facetious and am not really too worried about the spotlight. The people in my ward (congregation) are awesome.

Sunday I will be going to Jared's mother's house for dinner and games and we will make cookies. I am very much looking forward to this. I adore his family.

Sea food anyone?

2011-02-04T17:19:00.002-07:00

I have a date tonight :)

This is my 2nd date with a really awesome awesome guy named Steve. We are meeting some friends of his for dinner at Joe's Crab Shack, then we'll play cards.

I bought a new sweater and am going to wear some cute boots. I am nervous and excited, and should really head out soon....I'll post later...wish me luck!

2011-01-30T21:53:00.002-07:00

Why am I no longer blogging every day? I have been so buy the last few months! I am a full time student at UVU, where I am the student rep for the Integrated Studies department. I am basically a liaison between the department chair and the students, and occasionally I do silly things such as participating in a shopping cart parade (we won for best school spirit YAY!). Although I am quite busy with school, I do find time for hobbies such as shooting, cooking, video games, and I am now playing a game called Legend of the Five Rings with a group of awesome friends. I am also dating and continuing the search for Mr Perfect (for me). Life is good :) Christopher is 10 months away from coming home from his mission. I miss him. Levi and Tyrel are working although things have been a bit slow for them at Nestle. I'm sure Tyrel's boys enjoy having him home. Yes, life is good :)

I never did like to iron

2010-10-21T23:10:00.004-06:00

I went to my oncology appointment. No sign of the cancer returning, but blood tests show that my iron, my thyroid, and my white blood cells are still quite low. The doc says just give it more time.

And life goes on...

2010-10-11T00:07:00.003-06:00

Boy, it's been a while since I have posted. Currently, I am busy with school, taking a psychology class, Vietnam History class, and Math 0990. I am also doing an internship for LIFTint.org (check them out). I am working on the fundraising team and the engineering team.
My garden is winding down and I expect the final harvest will be in the next week or so. I have enjoyed having a community garden in my yard, and love the people I have been able to get to know a bit better through this experience.
Tyrel and his little family are doing well, but he is looking for work right now. Levi is spending most of his time working at Nestle. Christopher is having a great time spreading the gospel in Seattle. It's hard to believe that he has been gone almost a year already.
I have an appointment at the cancer center tomorrow. Things seem to be going well in that area. No recurrence so far WOOT WOOT!

Getting over cancer and on with my life...

2010-04-28T13:37:00.003-06:00

I have recently started a community garden in my back yard. there are 7 families including me. The garden area is HUGE and we have about half of it planted now. Christopher's old room has turned into a makeshift greenhouse for seedlings that will go in the ground after the last frost.

It is so nice to have a new hobby. Gardening will get me out in the sun, get me doing some physical exercise that isn't too strenuous, and help me to meditate in a peaceful setting. It is so important to find something that you enjoy doing after an illness.

I am also going to school and enjoying that very much. I know that learning new things has improved the chemo-brain that I was experiencing.

New side effects.

2010-04-28T13:32:00.000-06:00

Most of the side effects from the cancer and treatment have eased up or disappeared altogether. Some have remained, however, and now I have a new one. The radiation damaged my thyroid, and now have what is called hypothyroidism. Basically, my thyroid stopped producing normally, so now I take a little pill every morning, and hopefully that will even me out. Lower thyroid production will cause depression, increased appetite and fatigue. All symptoms that I have had since ending treatment. It's nice to know that there is a reason for all that :)
I did welcome the increased appetite, however. I'm sure my body did as well!

This is a link to an article that explains it a bit better.

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/NWS/content/NWS_1_1x_Radiation_Treatment_to_the_Neck_Often_Damages_Thyroid_Gland.asp

Help for Haiti

2010-01-22T12:10:00.003-07:00

I have several friends who have expressed a desire to help the people of Haiti, but aren't sure how to do that. One friend of mine, Robin, would love to go over and help out, but that isn't possible right now. I think that we can all keep the people of Haiti in our thoughts and prayers, but we can also help them to rebuild by making donations to reputable agencies like the Red Cross. The official site is www.redcross.org
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You can also donate through the LDS church. The website for the church is lds.org and you can find a link there to make a donation. Service or donations of any kind not only helps those we are giving to, but it helps us to become better people.

I hope we all take the time to be thankful for the blessings that we have in our lives. Not only the conveniences and luxuries that we enjoy, but also the loved ones that we have around us.

Much love,
Tracy

A new year and new beginnings

2009-12-27T12:55:00.004-07:00

As this year draws to a close, I find myself reflecting upon the past twelve months and all that has happened in that short period of time.
Tyrel and Steffani are expecting a second child. My second grandson is due to be born in late April. This is something they have hoped for for a long time. Taygen will be 4 in a few months and is very excited about his new little brother who will be here soon. Tyrel is doing well at work and was recognized with 2 awards for his contribution to the company this year.
Levi is doing quite well at Nestle and has just been moved up a pay level. He bought a new Toyota Corolla. It is black with tan interior and suits him well. He is registered to start school at UVU in January and will major in Accounting. He is moving out next week and will share an apartment with a few other UVU students.
Christopher has decided to dedicate the next 2 years to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He began his mission in Seattle Washington the latter part of this year and will return home in November of 2011.
Levi and Chris were in an accident where they rolled and totaled Levi's Explorer, but they have both recovered completely. They were truly blessed.
I finished up chemo and radiation early in the year and am in remission at this time. While it took much longer than I anticipated to regain my strength, I am doing well now and am quite convinced that the cancer will not return. My neighbors, friends, family, and especially my boys helped to support me through that illness and all that it brought. The boys took on the responsibility of paying the bills and physically taking care of me and the house. Friends and neighbors took me to appointments and brought me food. So many people prayed for me, which gave me the strength to get through this past year. I will always be grateful for the kindness that was shown me during this time.
I was laid off early in the year, but I think my body and mind needed the extra time to recover, so for that I am grateful. Unable to find a new job, I have decided to go to school. I start next month.
Yes, 2009 brought many changes to my life, both good and bad, but I think there is something positive to be gained from all of it. I am sure that next year will bring much as well. My new grandson will come into this world. I will learn what it is like to be a student again. My children will continue to grow and learn. I am ready for a new year and all the possibilities that it brings. Happy New Year everyone!

Chris' Mission Address

2009-12-17T05:47:00.001-07:00

Washington Seattle Mission
Christopher S Nelson
10675 NE 20th St
Bellevue, WA 98004

Send him letters if you can! I know he would love it!

Pretend I am your 80 year old grandfather.

2009-12-17T05:39:00.002-07:00

A few weeks ago, I woke up one morning with a terrible earache. Since then, the hearing in my left ear has gotten progressively worse. I have seen two family doctors and an ENT. I have had 2 rounds of antibiotics, but still the pressure continues to build, and the hearing continues to wane. I am pretty sure there is fluid built up that just needs to be released. My ENT spoke to me after radiation about the possibility of having tubes put it. I think it is time for that. When I saw his assistant 2 weeks ago, he said it looked like my ear drum was ready to rupture, and assured me that it would heal quickly, so I have been a bit skiddish since then.

I made another appointment for January 9th. This time with my regular ENT, Dr Denys, and an audiologist. Hopefully the drum doesn't rupture. I have found a bit of relief by taking sudafed, but it keeps me awake. This would explain me 5am post today.

So, if you happen across me, and wish to converse, just aim for my right ear and pretend like I am your grandfather.

Tasting the turkey

2009-11-26T18:46:00.004-07:00

It is hard to believe that a year ago at this time I was in the middle of chemotherapy and radiation. I remember going to my mother's for Thanksgiving, and not being able to taste much, other than ham, which tasted rancid. I didn't have much of an appetite, but ate some, and later went to Valerie's for pie.
I had lost my voice a few days earlier, so I wasn't able to speak above a very hoarse whisper. I was in such a haze, it seemed almost as thought I were watching the party from outside of a window or something. I felt very disconnected.
Today I was able to make most all of the food, and hosted the family, and, with some help from Levi, cleaned up as well. I am quite sore after today, but I was so happy to be able to physically do as much as I did. Recovery is still going more slowly than I would like it to, but I am getting there. Physically, I am at about 75% capacity now and mentally I would say 95%. The last couple of days I have found myself very worried about the tumor coming back. I have had a head cold which is effecting my ears, sinuses and throat, and has now moved into my lungs. I have asthma which is usually under control, but once it starts up, it can take a while to get under control.

Right now I am in a bit of a Thanksgiving dinner coma, and I am very happy about it :) Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Have you ever skipped school?

2009-11-18T22:30:00.000-07:00

I was filling out a quiz on facebook. I know this is a waste of time, but I so love to. It's almost like you are being interviewed and you get the feeling that the world really does care about how many times it took you to pass the test to get your drivers license and who the first person you kissed was. The world really doesn't care, but I can pretend.
One of the questions on the quiz was "What was your proudest moment?". In the past couple of weeks, Tyrel has received an award at work, Levi has registered for school and Christopher has left for his mission. I too have registered for school. Yes, I have much to be proud of right now. There isn't much that would make me happier than to see my children doing the best that they can, and right now, they very much are.
So this I tell you facebook nay sayers. Today, I wasted a bit of time, but left reminded of how much I have to be thankful of today. Perhaps, for today anyway, it wasn't a waste of time.

Chris' temporary address.

2009-11-11T22:17:00.003-07:00

Chris will be at the MTC for 3 weeks. His temporary address is:

Christopher Sage Nelson
MTC Mailbox # 160
WA-SEA 1201
2005 N 900 E
Provo, UT 84604-1793

I will post when he gets to Washington and has a semi-permanent address.

See you in 2 years

2009-11-11T21:10:00.002-07:00

This morning was very calm at my house. Peaceful. We ate breakfast and checked off Chris' packing list. I had lunch with my 3 boys, then we dropped Chris off at the MTC. He will be able to email me about once a week, and I will post some of what he relays to me here.

Right now I am getting to know my new laptop. It is an HP dv4-2045dx. It should get me through the next four years of school just fine :)

The other night I learned how to do some basic html. I quite enjoyed it! I had decided against going into anything computer related in school, but now am toying with the idea again. I signed up for Psychology and thought about a minor in English. Boy my interests vary a great deal, don't they! I better figure out soon what I want to be when I grow up.

Elder Christopher Nelson

2009-11-10T22:49:00.003-07:00

Christopher was set apart as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints tonight. I am so proud of him :)
I was not prepared for how emotional I would be. He will be away for 2 years. I will miss him greatly, but I am am so happy and completely support his decision to go. He won't be too far away, and the 2 years will go by quickly I am sure. I know that during this time away, he will learn much and mature both mentally and spiritually.
He will be able to email me once a week, write letters, and call me on Mother's Day and Christmas.

Yesterday I received my acceptance letter for Utah Valley University. I will start in January. I bought a laptop for school as well. I will post more tomorrow. Right now, I am going to play a game with Christopher :)

If it's not one thing...

2009-10-26T02:44:00.002-06:00

The boys were in a bit of an accident tonight. Actually, it is morning now, so it would have been last night. Levi, Christopher and their half brother Ricky had just dropped Tyrel off at home when they were in a roll-over accident on the freeway.

Ricki will have a few bruises, but it otherwise fine.

Levi was taken to the American Fork Hospital where he received 15 or so stitches in his head and had some glass removed from his eye. His hand was also cut up pretty badly. He wasn't kept overnight and should heal up just fine.

Chris was taken to Utah Valley hospital because of concerns about internal injuries. His ribs are bruised and may have been fractured. His feet are pretty mangled (he wasn't wearing shoes) but will be ok. He has a gash on his head and his face is going to be bruised pretty badly. They did a CT scan on his stomach as he has a lot of pain in that area. Everything looks OK except his kidney. There is a section of it that isn't getting blood flow, so they will keep him overnight tonight and observe. He has a concussion, and seemed a bit out of it all night. I came home to get a bit of sleep tonight, and will go back early in the morning. Sierra is there with him tonight, but I am guessing that he will be sleeping.

Jared was kind enough to come drive me to the hospital(s). I was too shaken up to drive when I found out about it. I was pretty scared there for a bit. Nothing wrenches you quite like finding out that a loved one has been in an accident. I am so grateful that the boys are OK.

Chris asked for a blessing, so Max came and he and Jared administered to him. He is due to report to the Missionary Training Center in a couple of weeks (Nov 11). He had 4 more days of work left, but it looks like he won't be going back. He actually asked the doctors if he would be able to check out in time to make it to work on time tomorrow. I'm thinking he will be in bed for a couple of weeks!

I am heading to bed. It has been a long night!

PET Scan results

2009-10-08T14:39:00.002-06:00

I had a PET scan yesterday to check out my pharynx and lymph nodes to see if the cancer is still in remission. It is (YAY!!)
The lymph nodes in my neck continue to shrink, and I am basically healthy.

My oncologist handed my case over to his physicians assistant, who I will see in 3 months.

I am still trying to figure out what to do with my life now that I don't have cancer to worry about. I want to go to school and am trying to figure out what I want to get a degree in, and which school I want to go to.

General Conference

2009-10-04T15:17:00.002-06:00

I am listening to General Conference. For those of you who don't know, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Twice a year we have a conference where the leaders of our church speak to us, and spiritually edify us.
I always feel so good during, and after conference. I have a renewed sense of what is really important in life, and and a desire to make better choices.
I have a firm testimony that Jesus is the Christ, and that He is our Savior. I hope to always have that testimony and strive to live my life in a way that brings me closer to Him.

YAY Cancer is still in remission!

2009-09-02T17:38:00.003-06:00

Saw the oncologist yesterday and the ENT today.

Report from Dr. Tudor (Oncologist)
Blood work looks great! Not perfect, but markedly improved. The chemo threw my hormones out of whack a bit, however, so he is sending me to a gynecologist, who will most likely put me on birth control to try to re-set my system. I should still be able to have children, but right now, it seems that I am not ovulating.

Report from Dr. Denys (Ear, Nose and Throat)
No visual sign of the tumor coming back and my lymph nodes feel normal (Woot woot!!!)
Also, he didn't have to use the scope this time. Apparently my gag reflex has been stunted, so he is now able to put a dental mirror at the back of my throat and look up my sinuses and down my throat. So much more comfortable than the scope!

After the doc, I met Valerie for lunch. We see each other all the time, but rarely get to just "hang out". It was quite nice. Then I went to Ross to try to find a dress. I tried on 12 items, and nothing was modest enough. Anyone know where I can find modest clothing that doesn't look like grandma clothes?

Chris's Mission call

2009-09-02T00:34:00.002-06:00

I have told just about everyone, but I want to post it as well. My youngest son, Christopher, got a mission call. On November 11th, he will report to the missionary training center in Provo, then a few weeks later he is off to Seattle Washington for the next two years.

He is so very excited about going, and I am so happy for him!

Doctors visits.

2009-09-01T14:04:00.004-06:00

Have an appointment with my Oncologist today. 6 week check up. They will check my blood levels and such. I don't have the port anymore, so I'll get the needle in the arm. Perhaps I should have kept the port for a bit longer?

Tomorrow I meet with my ENT and get the scope in the sinuses again. Not fun, but will have a visual to tell me if the cancer is still in remission.

I am still looking for a job. I need to find something soon for sure!

Happy to report, I am still alive :)

2009-08-04T14:17:00.003-06:00

I had the port removed this morning. All day yesterday I was anxious about having the procedure done. This morning, I woke up very calm. Levi drove me to the clinic. I saw a neighbor and friend while I was there and was able to chat for a bit. Mom came and sat with me just before they took me back, and was waiting for me when it was all over.

I had a reaction to the antibiotic, just as I did last time. The first time it was penicillin. This time they tried another drug (don't remember the name) and I started itching again, so they stopped it and just used a local antibiotic on the incision (I think that is how the nurse described it to me).

So this was pretty much the procedure:

1. Change into gown, open in front, try to cover the girls with one hand while texting with the other.

2. Nurse comes in, tells me they don't have my paperwork. Wait.

3. Nurse comes back, now has paperwork. Yay!

4. Nurse comes back, sticks IV in my arm. I tell her I had a reaction to the penicillin last time, so she gives me this super antibiotic that no one is allergic to.

5. Scalp starts itching like crazy!

6. Nurse removed antibiotic.

7. Dr Layton comes in to explain procedure and comfort me. Was more comfortable before I knew details of the procedure.

8. Walk into O.R. Climb up on skinny skinny table. My twin bed is a california king compared to this thing.

9. Nurse opens gown (hello world, meet the girls) preps the area with something very orange and very very cold.

10. Start to freak out because I have no water with me.

11. Nurse starts happy medicine drip, no longer care about thirst, operation, or the fact that one of my girls is exposed to the world.

12. Ask the doctor to warn me before he gives me the shot (local anesthesia). Doctor says he already did, and the procedure is almost over. LOVE that happy medicine!

13. Nurse cleans me up, Wheels me to recovery, gives me water, and I rest for a bit, chatting with my mom.

14. Get dressed, go out for Thai food. MMMM Thai food.

Port removal YEAH!

2009-08-03T12:41:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow I am scheduled to have my port removed. I am both excited and frightened at the prospect. Having it placed was very traumatic for me. I was awake during the procedure, but it is done in an operating room. Freaked me out. Hopefully this time won't be so bad, since I know what to expect, but I am still having a bit of anxiety about it. I asked if they could put me under, and they can't unless I have it done at the hospital. I would really rather have it done at the clinic. They do this procedure all the time. Man, I need to chill out about this!

Looks like my kids will drop me off. My mom will pick me up and I'll be texting people like mad while I am waiting. I had a heck of a time finding a ride. I am still waiting to hear back from Carrot Top. Left a message asking if he could come entertain while I wait to ease the tension :P

Wisdom

2009-07-29T16:20:00.004-06:00

Christopher got his wisdom teeth out this morning. The procedure went very well and there were no problems, but he was not having fun after.

He is sleeping now, ice packs on each side of his swollen face.

I love that boy. It's kind of nice to be the caregiver again, instead of the one being taken care of.

Tonight, the family is having a birthday party for my nephew, Christian. I think Chris will just stay home and sleep.

Christopher

2009-07-26T17:43:00.003-06:00

Christopher took his first temple prep class today. I am so excited for him. He has filled out his mission papers, and will submit them in a few weeks. Has to have his wisdom pulled, finish the classes, and be ordained an elder, then we send them in.
I didn't realize how much was involved in becoming a missionary! This has been such a neat experience for me, and seems to be for him, although he is getting a bit nervous now.

I will miss him greatly, but I know this will be a great opportunity for him, and he will learn much.

Immunity back online

2009-07-23T18:28:00.002-06:00

My white blood cells are in a normal range now. Red are still a little low, but not too bad. I am to keep taking iron, and see the doc again in 6 weeks. Tuesday was my first appointment where I haven't lost weight. I am maintaining at 127.
I asked my doctor how ofter I should get the scope done, and said that he doesn't think the tumor will come back at all, but to be safe, every 3 months for now. Guess I need to set up an appointment for that. I really hate the nasal scope.
I forgot to ask him about getting my port removed. I am not looking forward to another surgery, but I really want it out.

Dr Visit today

2009-07-21T14:19:00.002-06:00

I have an appointment with the oncologist today. My iron level will be checked. If it is still low, they will give me a transfusion, so I am hoping everything is good now. I have had way more energy the past 10 days, but still get a bit dizzy when I stand up.

I am planning to hike the narrows sometime soon and need to have the energy and strength to do it. From what I understand, it is quite an easy hike, but I have a hard time walking more than a mile still.

I am a bit nervous about my appointment. I have anxiety issues when I go to the clinic now. I have asked Christopher to go with me. He will provide comic relief that will help me not to think about it :)

Back in the game

2009-07-09T14:00:00.003-06:00

My blog has been primarily about my experience with cancer. I am done with treatment, in remission, and am feeling better all the time. I have set backs, I am still anemic, and my muscle tone leaves much to be desired, but as a whole, things are looking very good.
Now it is time to get "back into the game". The game of life. The dating game. The working game perhaps.
I went on a date Tuesday with a very nice guy. Duke. He took me to dinner, and I made it through without incident, other than squirting myself in the eye with lemon juice. He said he was going to tell his friends that I started crying 5 minutes into dinner :P
Thankfully I didn't look like a raccoon after the acid induced tears ceased. He gave me roses and seems interested in another date. Maybe next time I will make him cry.

I have had a very busy week, and still feel well. I am grateful for that. I had a very nice blessing on Sunday. I strongly believe in the power of a blessing.

I am still looking for work. Still looking for a companion. Still looking for a great purse. I'll be happy if I find just one of those things this month.

I'm going to give a shout out to the website of a friend who just started a business. Good luck Troy! www.infinitegiftsandmore.com

Let's try this again.

2009-06-29T14:46:00.000-06:00

Going to try dinner with the guys again tonight. Yes, they are willing to eat in public with me after last weeks embarrassing chicken fiasco.

Saturday, I went shopping, and was reminded that my body still isn't well. A couple hours in the mall and grocery shopping after, and I feel as though my back is broken. First of all, I had too much in my purse. Yes, I am too weak to carry a fully loaded purse. Second, I tried to lift a case of water. Not a good idea. I get a range of advice from "you still need to take it easy" to "push yourself a little harder each day". The cancer books and the doctors tell me to take it easy. Think I will listen to them.

Tonight, I think I will eating fish. I'm staying away from that chicken!

The chicken tried to kill me

2009-06-22T20:01:00.003-06:00

Warning: This is kinda gross.

There are times when I feel almost back to normal. I still have to drink water constantly, and I don't have much stamina, but I can feel somewhat normal. It is those times when I think I can get my life back on track. Go back to work. Start dating again. Then I have an episode like today. I was feeling pretty good. Showered and got ready to go to dinner with Jared and Jon. Red Robin. I can eat pretty much anything now so I order a salad with grilled chicken. Yummy. Couple of bites into it and all the sudden my throat forgets how to swallow. Closes up around the chicken, and I can't breath. Then my throat decides it's done with the chicken, and regurgitates it. At the same time, liquid starts pouring out of my nose. Mind you I am sitting next to my friend Jon, and across from my friend Jared. Thankfully, I had a napkin in my hand and everything I expelled was caught in the napkin. I think.
I was very embarrassed. The guys were gracious, though. I went into the bathroom to clean up, and cry a little, then returned to the table.
I ask you, how can I date, when I don't always have control of my bodily functions? Swallowing should be a simple thing that you just assume will happen automatically. I ended up taking most of my salad home with me, and am now attempting to eat it, but my throat is very sore now. It feels almost as though I have had a feeding tube down my throat. I think I have scraped it up good.
Yes, today was a reminder that I am not entirely well. May never be 100%. I am alive, and so very grateful for that. And grateful that the side effects are not worse than they are. I am doing remarkably well considering. At the same time, I sure would like to be able to eat a meal without worrying that I might choke, or constantly being aware of how much water is left in my glass.

Great to have another birthday

2009-06-21T00:02:00.003-06:00

It is just after midnight, so technically it is now my birthday. I am 38 years old. I feel very blessed to be here. The past year has been filled with trauma and pain and uncertainty about my future. But it was also filled with joy and miracles. I grew closer to many family members. I grew closer to God. I have learned to appreciate some things more than ever before, such as nature, our amazing bodies, the kindness and generosity of people. I now have a greater capacity to empathize with those having physical distress. Yes, this past year was the most difficult of my life, but it was also one of the greatest. I am grateful to all who helped me though this.

Cheers, and here is hoping I have many many more birthdays to come!

Dr visit today

2009-06-10T00:25:00.003-06:00

I saw the Oncologist yesterday. He did blood work and found that I am still anemic. My blood levels haven't improved since I finished treatment. White and red cells are both low. I haven't had much of an increase in strength or stamina since I finished treatment, so I wasn't really surprised. I was told to take ferrous iron supplements to try to build up my red blood cells. If that doesn't work, I will have to go in for IV treatments. I'm hoping I can tolerate the pills and that they do the trick. If so, then I can have my port removed.

Last time I went to the doctor, I got sick in the parking lot. Apparently it is common for cancer survivors to get nauseous when something triggers memories of treatment. That didn't happen yesterday, but I did have an odd reaction when I got in the doctors office. I was very nervous, almost panicky. I never had panic attacks before starting treatment, but have had several since. I suppose next time I should take someone with me.

I decided to start going to a couple support group meetings a week, starting today.

Looking for work

2009-06-02T14:13:00.002-06:00

Hi there friends and family.
I am ready to go back to work. If any of you know of companies that are hiring, please let me know!
You can email me at tracerdawn@gmail.com.

Thanks a bunch!

Tracy

Its been a while

2009-06-01T14:55:00.002-06:00

I have been busy healing and trying to live a normal life again. I am getting my strength back and feeling very healthy. My stamina isn't near what it used to be, but I don't nap anymore and can do housework and some yard work. After about 20 minutes of weeding I am done, but it's nice to sit in the sun and do what I can. I have great neighbors and friends who have come and helped with the things I can't do. My boys have been a great help as well. Jon came over and dug a fire pit for me. There is still much work to be done around the pit. Weeds to be pulled. I need to till up the ground around it, and would like to plant some herbs and such. All I have out there is sage.

Chris is getting ready to go on a mission. He is about half way through with filling out the paperwork. He has started dental work too. He has to have his wisdom teeth removed before he goes. I am so proud of him. He has grown up so much in the last year. And will do so even more while he is away.

Thoughts I had today: Good family and good friends. Surround yourself with good people, and you will find yourself becoming a better person. Enjoy your family while you have them with you. Old people die. Young people move away. Love them while they are here. Be grateful for what you have and who you have. Recognize your blessings. Be thankful for them.

Fun in the sun

2009-05-06T12:14:00.002-06:00

My friend, Tim, has the week off work.

Monday I went to Park City with him. It was great to get out in the sun and walk around and get some exercise. We are going back up for lunch sometime soon.

Today we are going to Ikea.

Still looking for work. Haven't heard back from the Housing Authority job. I'm hoping they are just being slow. I'll call them tomorrow if I don't hear by then.

Had dinner with Kim, Kalynn and Brooke yesterday. Missed you Robin!

Interview

2009-04-29T17:08:00.003-06:00

Interviewed for the Utah County Housing Authority, Weatherization department as a trainer. Wish me luck!!!

Productivity?

2009-04-28T13:09:00.003-06:00

I am trying to be more productive. I should be taking advantage of the time I have at home right now. I have been enjoying some time with my boys, but I need to get some things around the house and yard accomplished too.
I'm cleaning the bathroom and doing laundry today. Also gonna spray the 50 million lovely dandylions in my lawn. I'll do some other yard work too, and possibly make banana bread. MMM.

Hope it doesn't rain today. I need the sun to come out again. Need that vitamin D.

Beautiful weather :)

2009-04-21T21:46:00.003-06:00

The last two days have been gorgeous! Yesterday I went to the park with Jon, Jared and Jeff. We threw a frisbee around, played catch with an almost flat football. I learned I cannot throw, now can I catch a football. We also threw a baseball around a bit. We may go to some batting cages one of these days.

I thought I would wake up sore today because it's really the only exercise I've gotten in over 6 months, but I felt really good. I walked just under a mile around my neighborhood today. Tomorrow I will shoot for the whole mile. It feels so good to be getting my strength back. I am feeling stronger every day.

No luck in finding a job yet. There are a lot more opportunities in Salt Lake, but I really don't want to make the drive, and I don't know that my car could make it for too long. It is 13 years old. Gosh it's hard to believe...my little Toyota is all grown up. I think it is weaker than I am at this point.

Lets see if we can get this camera in a little further...

2009-04-15T16:50:00.002-06:00

Took anti anxiety pill.
Mom picked me up. Short stop at Grandma Duvalls. I am loopy so I get through this OK. On the ENT. Love Dr. Denys. He is great, other than when he is feeding a camera and tube up my nose and down my throat. I thold him I was having issues with my voice changing still, so he fed the tube further down to look at my larynx, and yep...lots of swelling from the radiation.
He gave me steriods to take that down so that I can have a girl voice again...for a while at least. Says it may come back. Also gave me something for dry mouth with one not so fun side effect...may cause excessive sweating. We will have to see if this is the case, and if its worse than the dry mouth.
My Oncologist wants the ENT to perform another biopsy, but the ENT says there is no need. I am glad because I don't want surgery again. Boy when treatment is over, it really isn't over, is it.

My favorite game...NOT

2009-04-15T10:45:00.002-06:00

Going in for the nasal scope today. Oh look! It's April 15th. Tax day. Could this be a more horrible day? Oh wait, its raining outside, possible snow tonight. I am going to officially count this the worst day of the year so far. Also, I am nausiated pretty bad this morning. I think my stomach us just having sympathy pains for my sinuses. Or maybe it was the egg salad sammiches I've been eating. I'm craving protein again, which means I am probably deficient. I lost a few more pounds. Trying to stay stable is proving to be difficult. I need to find something I can eat before I have the scope done.

My appointment is at 1:45 in American Fork. Mom is going to drive me since I will be taking a sedative. I really don't want this done when I am fully alert to what is going one. It is my last chill pill and today seems like a perfect day to take it.

Wish me luck!

Good Weekend so far :)

2009-04-11T19:14:00.003-06:00

I went shopping yesterday and today and found some really nice clothes to interview in. I am getting rather excited about the job hunt now. If I don't find something soon, I've thought about doing some volunteer work once a week until I find something.

Next week I will have a nasal scope done on Tuesday (my least favorite game) and Wednesday I meet with my Oncologist to go over the scope and the PET/CT scans from last week. I suppose we will work out a plan to follow up on me over the next couple of years at that time.

I am really wanting to get my port removed. The doctors want me to leave it in for 2 years in case the cancer comes back, but I want it out. It is a silly reason too. I tried on swim suits, and you can see the port. Now, you know I am not much of a swimmer, but I do plan on going a few times this year. Silly of me to have it removed for that reason, but I am really self conscious about it. Most people probably won't even notice, but it bugs me.

I am a little scared to have it taken out though. It was a horrible experience having it put in. I don't ever want to walk into an oporating room again. Maybe they will knock me out this time if I ask real nice and act a bit like a lunatic about it.

Testing, testing, one...two...three...

2009-04-07T19:58:00.004-06:00

I went in for a PET scan and a CT scan this morning to check for any tiny amounts of cancer cells that may be hiding in my body somewhere.
This is the process:
1. Change into lovely hospital gown with coordinating hospital drawstring pants. Check my look in the mirror...decide not to take picture with cell phone and use it for dating website.

2. Radiologist puts IV in arm. Freak out a little because even though you are used to needles going into your chest now, it freaks you out to have them put into your arm for some strange reason.

3. Walk with radiologist outside of the hospital...yes...outside for the world to see your lovely hopsital gown attire.

4. Enter a trailer where you are seated in a recliner, pillows propped behind your head, and a warm blanked is placed upon your lap. Possibly to hide the ugly gown ensemble.

5. The radiologist then pours you not one, but two glasses of red kool aid laced with radiation, and asks you to drink. Contemplate for a moment, then decide against calling him Jim Jones, but giggle inside just a bit.

6. Watch as Mr Jones injects saline solution and more radioactive fun into your IV. Wonder if he is single.

7. Mr Jones then tells you to rest, move as little as possible in that comfy recliner, and he will be back in 45 minutes.

8. 45 minutes later: Wake up to Mr Jones, wipe kool aid stained drool off of chin, follow Mr Jones into the main building again to urinate. Flush twice because urine is now saturated with radiation that is aparently dangerous to everyone else in the hospital, but me.

9. Wonder why they had me drink it then pee it out.

10. Follow Mr Jones back to the trailer, listen to him talk about his family, which answers the question of his marital status. Sigh.

11. Lay down on a very skinny bed like structure with arms above your head. Mr Jones tells you not to move until the test is over, and takes your best friend away (water bottle).

12. Machine starts, time goes by very slowly without liquid refreshment. Silently curse yourself for not bringing a camel back.

13. 30 minutes later you are done. Follow Mr Jones back in to the hospital to remove IV, change back into real clothing and urinate some more (flushing twice again).

14. Walk out to car, realize you left water bottle in the hospital, walk back in a panic to find it. Drink heavily, refill at fountain, walk back to car again.

15. (optional) Meet mom at IHOP for the worst food you have tasted in a very long time.

16. Write about adventures of the day on blog, post.

Conference weekend

2009-04-05T17:44:00.002-06:00

It was a very good weekend. I quite enjoyed conference, and have a new resolve (as I do every 6 months) to be a better me.
I am feeling great most of the time now. I will have a few days that seem very normal, then sleep for 15 hours or more, which reminds me that I am still healing.
I can eat just about everything, and my taste is completely normal, but I don't particularly enjoy eating anymore. It is something I do to keep alive, and keep it at a bare minimum. When I first started this journey, I read that one of the side effects of treatment can be anorexia. I thought that was nuts. Now I can very much understand it. I don't throw up (on purpose...although sometimes I still do because my body just decides it wants to purge for no apparent reason) but I do find that I forget to eat, and have to force myself at times to eat. I am pretty much maintaining my weight though and make sure I eat at least once a day...sometimes more...and I am eating healthy food when I do eat.

Hope everyone is having a great Sunday. Hope you all have peace in your homes and in your hearts!

Much love to everyone....Tracy

Back to church

2009-03-29T15:37:00.002-06:00

I went to church today. It was so nice to be there. I feel refreshed and spiritually energized. There are so many great people in my ward, and I have missed them very much. I am grateful to feel strong enough and well enough to be able to go to church again.

Next week is general conference and I am so excited for that! I like to listen and take notes and talk to the boys and eat yummy food while we are listening. I usually make a relish tray and cheese and crackers and lil smokies in bbq sauce. These are a favorite in my house.

Tyrel will be coming over later in the day to hang out with his brothers. It will be good to have all my boys here! I really miss working with Tyrel and seeing him almost every day.

It snowed today. I wish very much for some warm days for me to soak up the sun!

Donuts and candy bars

2009-03-27T16:45:00.002-06:00

Valerie is on her way to pick me up to take me. We are going out for mexican food. I am having sinus issues, so some hot salsa is in order I think.

Funny, salsa and other tomato based sauces don't bother me, but fruit makes my throat swell really bad. I still eat it, because I need the nutrients, but I really react to it. I am also drinking orange juice when I can...even though I swell up. I am making an appointment to see my ENT for another scope in April. I will ask him then if there is anything I can do to avoid this reaction every time I eat healthy :P

Maybe I should go back to donuts and candy bars???

will work for chemo

2009-03-25T15:58:00.002-06:00

I went to a job fair today. There were only about 30 companies there, but I did get a couple leads. I am not ready to go back to work yet. I don't have the strength or the stamina, but I am hoping I will be as strong as ever in a couple of weeks.

Anybody out there know of any job openings? I have the following experience.... Documentation control, Customer Service, Quality Assurance, and throwing up. I am really good at throwing up :)

After the job fair my mom took me to Good Wood to get a steak. With my blood levels so low, my dad keeps saying I need to eat red meat..."feed that girl a steak". So today, I ate steak and ribs. The steak was so tender that I was able to get it down fairly easily. And the ribs were fall off the bone delicious.

Yesterday, I rode with Kalynn up to Robin's house for a Modbe party. Thank you Kalynn for driving me and for the company...love you girl! I don't have a swimming suit that fits me anymore, so I tried on a few. For the first time in years I put on a swimming suit and was happy with the way it fits. I am going to need one by this summer, but I think I will put off buying one until I am working again.

OK, now that I have plugged Good Wood (yummy) and Modbe (great, modest clothing and swim wear), I think I will go over my medical bills and check out the damage. I have been putting it off for too long now.

Dr visit today...97% YAY!!!

2009-03-23T11:53:00.002-06:00

I had a few really good days lsat week, so I was frustrated yesterday when I wasn't able to get out of bed until after 5pm. I finally got up, made some food, and promptly climbed back into bed. I had on oncology appointment today, and was running late so I drank a slimfast just before. When I got the the clinic, I threw up the whole slimfast in the parking lot. I haven't puked for while so I was surprised. Went inside and had my blood drawn and weight checked. I have lost just over 50 lbs, but have been stable the last couple of weeks. My white and red blood cell counts are way low. The Dr talked said I need a blood transfusion, then changed his mind and gave me the $3000 shot that stings like a bee again. Thank goodness for insurance.

While in his office, I got really dizzy and almost fell, which prompted him to ask if I had been drinking already this morning...I said just a little :P

The very good news, is that he looked up recent statistics (they change all the time in the world of cancer) and said that my 4 year survival rate is 97%. I am so happy about that. The treatment a few years back only gave about 30%.

Next week I will have a PET scan, the following week I have the nasal scope done again (joy of all joys) and in 3 weeks I go back to see the oncologist.

Right now, I am going to do my best to take it easy and eat (without throwing it up) and get my blood counts up. I guess I need reminders like yesterday and today that I am still sick, and need time to heal.

Getting out for a bit

2009-03-17T12:44:00.002-06:00

I went out with some friends for a bit last night. It was good to leave the house and get some fresh air. The weather was beautiful. I was worn out by 10, even though we didn't do much but eat and sit and talk.
I slept well last night. Most of my side effects are gone except for dry mouth and lips, slight headaches (not near as bad as they were) and lack of energy.

Today I am going to go grocery shopping and to pick up prescriptions. This seems daunting to me. Funny how such small things take so much effort now. I used to get up at 6 in the morning, work all day, then run errands and do housework and still have energy at the end of the evening. I know I will work my way back up to that, but its frustrating in the mean time.

I am grateful that I have the time to recover. If I still had a job, I would be going back soon, and I am not ready. My body is still healing, I just hope it hurries.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!!

Headaches

2009-03-13T13:53:00.002-06:00

One of the side effects this last chemo round is headaches. I haven't had that much before. Every time I lay down now I get a headache. I sleep on 2 or 3 pillows Elephant Man style, but still the head pounds. Last night was especially bad, and it is still there a bit.

I went to Troy's wedding last night. It was beautiful. Very tasteful and simplistic. Kudos and cheers to the bride and groom!

Better days

2009-03-12T13:53:00.003-06:00

Yesterday and today my strength have increased a great deal. I am still resting much of the day, but I feel better. No more stomach issues, and I have stopped taking the anti-nausea pills that have so many side effects. My mouth is starting to heal too.

I was able to eat 3 times yesterday. That is rare for me right now. Sometimes it is difficult to eat more than once, but I was actually hungry at 10:30pm last night, so I got out of bed and made food. I have been watching cooking shows a lot lately, trying to increase my appetite. It is working. It's funny how the chemo not only takes your appetite away, but it can make you actually feel a repulsion towards food. I am no longer feeling that. Thank you Food Network!

Kalynn is one of my dearest friends. Tonight, her oldest son is getting married. I am happy that I feel up to going to the reception for a bit. I missed his high school graduation party, and don't want to miss this.

After effects

2009-03-10T17:04:00.002-06:00

For some reason I had it in my head that as soon as I was done with chemo, everything would feel great. Not so much. It was much worse this time than the previous two rounds. I feel much more toxic. My mouth has been pretty tore up, and I've had pretty severe stomach aches and headaches. I have also been very weak. I am getting a bit stronger now, but for a couple of days, I could barely hold myself up on my legs.

I had been told that the 3rd round is the worst, but I didn't realize it would be this difficult. I am still bolstered with knowing that it is the last of it, and just have to accept that it will take a while to heal. My doctor had originally said a month or two after treatment ended, but I imagined it would be sooner. Guess he knew what he was talking about :)

Last day of treatment

2009-03-06T10:17:00.002-07:00

Well, it is finally here. I have been so excited for this day, but I woke up very nauseous today. My stomach is cramping and I'm dizzy...just trying not to move too much when inside I want to dance a jig!
I have been so lucky to be without nausea for much of this, but today is pretty bad. I look pretty bad too. I have a few sores on my face and my lips are so chapped. I am very weak. I was told the 3rd round is the roughest, and it has been. Although I'm used to the bag now and it doesn
't bother me, the side effects are stronger.
Mom will be here in an hour to take me to the cancer center. It shouldn't take too long there. They will take a couple of viles of blood, remove the needle in my chest, and give me a shot to increase white blood cells. The shot stings like a son of a gun!
In about 2 weeks I'll be at my lowest point (my blood will be) so if you are sick, come see me when you get better :)

I started radiation and chemo on October 6, 2008. And I am ending on March 6. 5 months of this roller coaster ride is enough for me! I'm ready to get off and start my life back up again now.

One more day!!!

2009-03-05T13:24:00.002-07:00

Tomorrow at noon I get this chemo bag off, for the very last time. YAY!!!
I am so very excited. No more poisoning my body. I will have a couple weeks of recovery time, then it's back to normal for me...whatever...I've never really been normal :P

After I have recovered, it will be time to get my house in order (there is a lot that I have let go over the last 6 months) and time to find a new job. That is a bit scary to me, but not near as scary or hard as cancer, right?

I am so thankful that I am alive, and as healthy as I am. My hearing loss wasn't permanant, my vocal chords work again. I didn't lose any sight. I am in far better shape than many people with this type of cancer.

I am also thankful that I have had so much help from friends and family. I have really grown closer to some people through this, including my mother.

Reminder: live a cancer free life. don't smoke. don't drink. don't chew on batteries.

Sleepy sleepy.

2009-03-03T16:23:00.004-07:00

I went to dinner and the book store yesterday with some great friends. Good times.
Came home early hoping to get to bed early, but I didn't fall asleep until almost 4am. Then I was up every half hour or so. I think it is the steriods that I get with chemo, but not sure. I usually have a hard time sleeping the first day of chemo, but I don't recall it being this bad previously.
I just took 3 different anti nausea meds, and think I will be able to take a nap soon.

Other than being very tired, I feel pretty good. It is beautiful outside. I spent some time with mom and dad today. And I only have 3 days after today!! WOOT WOOT!!

Remission :D

2009-03-02T15:22:00.003-07:00

I went to the doctor today and my levels were up enough to do the last round of chemo. This alone is enough to make me do the happy dance. I asked the doctor when I will be officially in remission, and he said I am now. Yes, I am doing sitting in my chair in front of my computer doing the happy dance right now! I have the fanny pack on pumping 5Fu into my system until Friday, but I don't care. It was so cool to hear that word, remission.
Now I have doctors appointments, check ups on my blood cells and iron and all that stuff, and scopes and other tests, but I am done with the treatment, and done with the cancer. And you know what? Cancer sucks! But, if you are lucky enough to have early signs, please check them out. And if you happen the have the beast ever in your life, fight like hell.

Also, get all your tests and live a preventative life. Eat healthy, maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle. If you smoke, quit. If you drink, quit (alcohol increases the risk of head and neck cancers). And please donate to cancer research if you are able. I am so blessed to have gotten cancer when I did and not 5 or 10 years ago. Treatment is getting better all the time.

Now I am going to take some anti nausea meds to make sure I don't puke tonight!

REMISSION WOOT WOOT!!!

Let's try this again...

2009-03-02T08:43:00.003-07:00

I am going to the cancer clinic again this morning to see if I am healthy enough to start my last round of chemo.
I have stayed in for almost a week now. Rested much. Ate well. Hopefully all those things, along with the red blook cell stimulator shot I was given last Monday, have made my body strong enough to handle one more round. Come on! It's just one more!
This is the round that my doctor warned me people don't finish. I am begging to do it!
Seriously, I feel like I can handle it. My body may not be able to, but dang it I can!

I will write later today and let you know if I am sick from chemo, or sick from frustration :)

Happy Monday!

sleepy

2009-02-25T15:58:00.002-07:00

So very tired today!
Slept til 3pm
I am trying to rest as much as possible this week so that I am well enough to do chemo on Monday.
A break is nice, but dang it, it's the last one!

I am so lucky and grateful that I haven't caught any of the bugs that are going around right now. My counts are so low, it would be easy for me to catch anything. So I plan to stay in the rest of the week. Feel free to IM or text or email me.

No chemo after all today

2009-02-23T16:33:00.002-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling pretty quite well. Went to my appointment. They always take blood right when I get there and test my levels, then I see the doctor.
Everything they check for is low right now... white blood cells, read blood cells and whatever else they test for, so the doc says not chemo today.
I told him that I feel fine and really want to get it over with, and he said if he gave it to me today it would probably kill me. Also, he said I should be in the hospital right now (according to my blood work).
He talked about giving me a blood transfusion and said I am down 3 pints. Then decided to try giving me a shot (I think it is called Aranesp) to build up my red blood cells that way first.
So, for right now I am not getting a transfusion. I am able to eat 2-3 times a day now, and I am going to eat a lot of protein and iron and hopefully I will be ok to start chemo next Monday.

I really am blessed to not have been hospitalized at all through this treatment. I was in the emergency room once for about 4 hours. That was NOT fun! I am so grateful that my body has been able able to handle the treatment. Happy that my mind has been able to as well.

Chemo tomorrow....LAST ONE YAY!

2009-02-22T20:53:00.002-07:00

I have mixed feelings about tomorrow. I am so very excited to get it over with, so I hope my white blood cells are up enough to have it. But I also feel great right now and don't want to be sick again. Don't want to have to take all the anti-nausea pills again.

I need to keep reminding myself that it is only 5 days, then it is over!!! No more chemo. No more cancer. Time to recover and heal. Time to get back to normal.

The heading to my blog says that dating was more painful than cancer. It wasn't. Cancer (treatment) has been rough. I don't wish this on anyone. But I have been so very blessed during this time. Friends and family have been so supportive. I have so many people to thank (yes, I was watching the Oscars tonight).

I heard today that my neighbor, who has been fighting lung cancer for a couple of years, is now free of the disease. She was told a few months ago that there wasn't anything more the doctors could do, but she searched for someone who would continue to treat her, and I am so happy she did. She fought hard, and when she was given no hope, she still fought! I am so proud of her, and happy for her and her family.

I will be taking my (mom's) laptop to treatment tomorrow, and will be online if anyone wants to chat (tracerdawn@gmail.com on MSN), or stop by and say hi. I'll have blood tests and meet with the doctor at 12:30, then will be in the chemo chair hooked up to an IV from about 1:30 to 4. I'm on the second floor of the Central Utah Clinic across from the Provo Hospital.

5 days of poison then I am done. I can hardly believe it!!!

Dr Visit...good news :)

2009-02-18T14:39:00.003-07:00

I went to the ENT today for another lovely nasal scope. I don't think I am ever going to get used to having a camera up my nose. At least it was good news! The swelling has gone down, and the radiation burns have healed so the doctor could see more clearly. The tumor (Kirby) is completely gone, and the tissue that was swollen all around it looks normal now. Originally, he thought he would have to do a scope every month for the next year, but now he says every 3 months should be fine. YAY!!!

He did find that I have both a sinus infection and thrush again. He is treating the thrush, but can't treat the sinus infection until that is gone, because the antibiotics with make the thrush thrive. I can irrigate the sinuses with salt water, which may just take care of it without more pills anyway. He said I will be more prone to sinus infections now. I have had them most of my life, up until the last couple of years. An infection I can deal with now...as long as the tumor doesn't come back.

My sister Barbara is coming tonight to stay for a few days. It will be nice to have her here. I have had friends over all week, and it has been great! I am feeling so good right now (if you don't count the sinus and mouth infection and the occasional puking :P

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T11:11:00.002-07:00

Hope everyone has a great day today!

Some friends of mine brought me cookies this morning. I am so happy that I can eat sweets again!
Yesterday I had a couple bites of cheesecake, and it was soooo yummy! I was on the verge of tears I was so happy to have it taste normal again. Now maybe I'll be able to maintain weight for a while.

xoxoxoxoxox

Bye Vantage :(

2009-02-13T19:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was laid off from the place I had been working for the past 4 years.
It was a great job, and a great place to work. I will truly miss the people there.
LOVE YOU ALL!

3 hours of feeling well

2009-02-10T17:31:00.004-07:00

I went to the temple today for the first time since I was diagnosed. I wanted to go before treatment started but never made it. After treatment, most of the time the side effects were such that I wasnt able to make it. I am so happy that I went today. Shortly after arriving, I noticed that I felt very good. Not just ok, but actually healthy. It was so great to feel that good and normal and clear headed for a period of time. The temple gives me such spiritual strength. I am so grateful for the faith I have. I don't know how I would make it through this without the gospel in my life and all the blessings that I am almost constantly given.

Now I am home and exhausted, and back in my warm jammies to hide from the snow, but for a short time today I felt great.
I know I will feel whole again soon. I look forward to it.

Side note: The worst side effect right now is that my mouth feels like sandpaper. That should go away in a couple of days.

Sad day

2009-02-08T21:51:00.003-07:00

When I first found out I had cancer, I began researching on the internet. I found a ton of information, and a wonderful support group for people with nasopharyngeal carcinoma. I have many friends on the website. Among them, a lady named Roberta, whose husband Rod has suffered for quite a while with cancer, and was still in treatment. I believe the tumor either came back, or didn't respond to the first round of treatment. She posted tonight to let us know that he passed away unexpectedly this morning. He was sleeping and apparently aspirated.

There was a time during my treatment when the gunk in my throat was so thick, that I worried about aspirating in my sleep. During this time I didn't take anything for pain or to help me sleep. My saliva isn't back to normal yet, but it isn't at a dangerous place either.

I knew that this cancer could be deadly. That not everybody survives, but I wasn't prepared for this today. I am grateful that I have responded so well to treatment. That it seems to be working and pray that it will not return.

For Roberta, How good of you to stand by your husband and care for him through his whole ordeal. I know it can be ugly and exhausting. You never complained, and had so much love for him. For Rod, you fought so hard. I'm sorry that you had to suffer so much during the last part of your life. I know you are now whole again, and that you will be with each other again one day. Love you and miss you already!

Much better

2009-02-07T13:06:00.002-07:00

My chemo line was removed yesterday YAY!
I know there is still chemo running through my veins, but emotionally and physically I felt better almost immediately. I am still quite weak, and sleeping much, but I feel stronger and more alert when I am out of bed.
I was able to eat most meals during this round. Thank you Elizabeth for bringing me dinner!
I was given a shot (again) to help produce white blood cells. It is a tiny needle, but one of the most painful shots I've ever had. Last time the shot kicked in, I wasn't able to walk much for a couple of days because the bone marrow in my hips went into overdrive. We'll see which bones decide to make the white blood cells this time.

My house is a mess as I haven't done much of anything for the past week. The boys are home just long enough to make a mess then go to work. Levi is home today though so we will work on it.

I only have 2 weeks to recover this time, but I am excited to start the next round of chemo since it is my last. I can't believe I am almost done! Woot Woot!!

Sleepy sleepy

2009-02-04T12:04:00.002-07:00

Day 3 of the 5FU chemo, and not too many side effects. The main one is that I am so very tired. I slept 10 hours last night, and will go back to sleep here in a few minutes.
Right now I am stressing a bit about money, but Levi is working more hours now. His last paycheck was only for 8 hours. I will be happy to get back to work, which I am hoping will be the first of April. As long as I heal quickly from these last 2 chemo infusions. I am hopeful. I seem to have healed quite quickly each time.

I have a friend who has volunteered to call the medical billing centers and set up payment schedules and such. That will help immensely.

Much love

2009-02-02T16:25:00.002-07:00

One more thing today, I have so much love in my heart today. I don't know why for sure, but today I feel a great amount of love and gratitude for everyone. Thank you so much for those of you who have helped me in any way. Rides, phone calls, emails, visits, food, and prayers. Especially your prayers. I know they have helped this to as easy for me as possible.

Love you all!

Tracy

Bring on the poison, I can take it

2009-02-02T16:04:00.002-07:00

Every time I go in for chemo, they weigh me. I have lost another 10 pounds since my last appointment 4 weeks ago. The doctor and nurse were not happy and I got chewed out a bit and grilled about my eating habits. Most days I am lucky to get one full meal in, but I try to add a slimfast or ensure to that (slimfast tastes much better). Today I had a fried egg sandwich before I left, chicken mcnuggets while I was getting the chemo, and will be eating pizza for dinner with the guys. I'm pretty sure I won't lose any today :)

I bought some popsicles to much on while I have the fanny pack o chemo. The cold shuts off the blood flow in your mouth, so the chemo isn't deposited there. This helps much to avoid mouth sores. This helped a lot last time, although I still got a few blisters when I would eat. They don't really hurt, just annoying (and gross). Maybe that is why I just plain don't want to eat most of the time.

Wearing the fanny pack isn't bothering me near as bad this time as it did before. Partly because I knew what to expect, but also because I am so close to being done now. I will have my last chemo on February 23rd, and will be done on the 27th. I am so happy!!!

I will have March to recover, then plan on going back to work the first week in April. I may go back part time for the first week or two and work my way up to full time. I feel pretty good much of the time, but take quite a few anti nausea pills and other things to get me feeling OK. I would like to be off of all meds before starting back to work. I have had memory issues lately...not sure if it is the medication or the chemo.

Are there any other diseases besides cancer where the cure is so rough? It is on going to the doctor feeling healthy, and he gives you something that makes you feel sick. I know it works. I have read enough about it to know that it works...but it sure isn't a whole lot of fun. I am so grateful to the technology we have today. The survival rates are going up all the time. A decade ago this would have killed me. 4 years ago and the radiation would have blinded me, and the chemotherapy would have taken all my hearing. Can any of you imagine me being deaf and blind? Well, we all know I would still talk and talk and talk.
This is sort of a plug for people to donate to cancer research. They haven't found a magic cure all yet, but they sure make leaps and bounds in making the treatment less debilitating. Also, I'm going to give a plug for the Central Utah Clinic. The doctors and nurses there are amazing. I have never been treated with so much respect. Get your suggested tests done...mamograms, colonoscopys etc... Take care of your bodies, and do all you can to prevent this or detect it early. But if you do end up needing a place to go, this is a beautiful place.

Hope everyone has a great week. Feel free to email me this week as I will probably be home for most of it and love to hear from you.

Chemo tomorrow

2009-02-01T16:09:00.002-07:00

Tomorrow I get poisoned again. I will have carboplatin (a platinum based chemo) administered at the cancer center, then they will hook me up to the 5FU that I will carry with me in a fanny pack for the next 5 days. I really hate this part. I can hear the little machine pumping poison into me every 20 seconds or so. Mentally, I think this has been the hardest part. I find comfort in the fact that I will have only one more treatment after this one. Also, the last time I had this treatment, I didn't lose all of my sense of taste, although I did lose my appetite.
Today I feel pretty darn good, although very tired. I have been sleeping quite late this past week.
My mom will be driving me to treatment, which is good, because left to myself, I just may not go.
I will miss my usual Monday night dinner with my friends tomorrow night. I don't like to go anywhere with the fanny pack on, so I will probably be home until Friday. I have talked to my boys about making sure I eat over the next 5 days. With the chemo pack on, I am happy to just lay in bed and not eat but I know I need to keep my strength up.
For today, I am enjoying a peaceful Sunday, feeling almost normal :)

Feelin' good

2009-01-30T16:28:00.002-07:00

I have felt pretty darn good the last few days. I am sleeping a lot, but feel pretty healthy. I feel like the chemo chemicals are all out of my body and things are back to normal. You know what that means? It means it's time for chemo again!
Monday-Friday I get to wear the lovely fanny pack again.

You know how some people shave their heads to support loved ones with cancer? I think you should all wear fanny packs in support of me! He he he.

Love you all!
Tracy

40 lbs

2009-01-26T12:25:00.002-07:00

I am down 40 pounds. I have maintained at 150 pounds for about 2 weeks now. This is good, because I will lose again when I start chemo again. I have had to start taking my anti nausea pills again because I started throwing up again. I thought the chemo was out of my system, but I guess not. The anti nausea pills make me a little loopy, but they do increase my appetite.

Yesterday I went to visit a couple friends. It was very good to see them. This weekend Jon, Tim and Jared all visited. It was nice to see them as well. Today I have to stop by work for a few minutes, them I'm going to eat dinner with Jeff, Jared and Tim. It should be a good evening.

Swimmers ear

2009-01-25T12:47:00.002-07:00

Today I can really feel the fluid in my ear and it is driving my nuts!
My hearing is so bad right now, I have to keep asking people to repeat things...be patient with me :)
I stopped feeling the bone pain from the white blood cell shot I was given, but today my neck hurts really bad. not sure if it is from the shot or not.
I didn't go to church today. My white blood count should be up, but I still have the ear infection and cough.
I am going to study scriptures with a friend on Sundays now. That will be nice since I've missed so much church.
I miss being there, and I miss being at work, but I am almost done now YAY! I should be back to work in less than 3 months. Its hard to believe I have been gone for 4 months. I have memory lapses from either the chemo or the many medications I've been on. Probably both. That scares me a bit. I don't like living in a fog. Soon it will all be done though and I will be well.

You want to stick what up my nose?

2009-01-21T16:52:00.002-07:00

I went to the Ear Nose Throat doctor today. Dr Denys. He is the doctor that discovered my cancer and did the biopsies on my lymph nodes and tumor. He is also the doctor that puts a camera in my nose to check out the tumor. Not my favorite game. He didn't do that today, but once I finish chemo, he would like to scope me every month for the first year, and every 2 months for the second so that if the tumor comes back, we can catch it early. If it comes back, I can't do the same kind of radiation again, so we would have to go a different route. More chemo and or surgery. The surgery on that part of the body is very difficult though so we are just gonna pray that it doesn't come back. Today he verified that I have fluid behind my left ear drum. I am more prone to infection and issues because of the location of the cancer, and because of the radiation to that area. He gave me more antibiotics and said if the infections continue, they will put tubes in my ears. Apparently for adults, they can just do that in the office. I really don't want to be awake for a procedure like that, but it probably won't be worse than the scope. Man I don't love that scope.

Oh also, want to remind everyone that I love visitors, but please be healthy if you come over. Thanks a bunch!

Head shoulders knees and toes

2009-01-20T16:11:00.002-07:00

Since my last chemo treatment I have experienced some hearing loss. Today I had another hearing test with Dr Dick (who is actually quite nice). He says the hearing loss isn't due to the treatment this time. It is from an infection.
I just finished a C-pack of antibiotics, but my oncologist is sending me to an ENT tomorrow to see if we can do something more to clear this up. He wants me nice and healthy before he poisons me again :)

I am stressing pretty badly the last couple of weeks. I am able to get up and do things, buy my white blood count is down, and my body is worse off that it has been through most of this. I have a nasty cough, my lungs aren't working properly, I have a rash on my hands, and the bones in my back are hurting. I'm pretty sure the bone pain is from the shot I was given to increase white blood cells. If so, I am happy it is doing its job. But I think the most annoying thing is the hearing loss. Hopefully the doc will fix that tomorrow :)

Tracer's day

Does this bronchitis make me look fat?

The truth is out there - Fox Mulder

A lovely Thanksgiving

Why follow me, lost as you swear I am - Collective Soul

He left as a boy and returned as a man.

so I told the doctor, zombies don't need red blood cells....then I devoured him

They Might be Giants, and I might be on my way to gianthood

Purple Rain or The Room Formerly Known as White

The final countdown!

Separation anxiety

Relationship pulp

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians..."

Religion according to me

**Warning! Controversial post.**

Free Nachos!

This cannot be possible! 40???

Going postal!

These times, they are a changin'

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Service for a service animal

Play tonight

The Word

Refer a Friend - Fastweb

Dating can be fun...who knew?

Family is in town, cancer can now leave.

Update on the date :)

Sea food anyone?

I never did like to iron

And life goes on...

Getting over cancer and on with my life...

New side effects.

Help for Haiti

A new year and new beginnings

Chris' Mission Address

Pretend I am your 80 year old grandfather.

Tasting the turkey

Have you ever skipped school?

Chris' temporary address.

See you in 2 years

Elder Christopher Nelson

If it's not one thing...

PET Scan results

General Conference

YAY Cancer is still in remission!

Chris's Mission call

Doctors visits.

Happy to report, I am still alive :)

Port removal YEAH!

Wisdom

Christopher

Immunity back online

Dr Visit today

Back in the game

Let's try this again.

The chicken tried to kill me

Great to have another birthday

Dr visit today

Looking for work

Its been a while

Fun in the sun

Interview

Productivity?

Beautiful weather :)

Lets see if we can get this camera in a little further...

My favorite game...NOT

Good Weekend so far :)

Testing, testing, one...two...three...

Conference weekend

Back to church

Donuts and candy bars

will work for chemo

Dr visit today...97% YAY!!!

Getting out for a bit

Headaches

Better days

After effects

Last day of treatment

One more day!!!

Sleepy sleepy.

Warning! Controversial post.