Warning: This is kinda gross.
There are times when I feel almost back to normal. I still have to drink water constantly, and I don't have much stamina, but I can feel somewhat normal. It is those times when I think I can get my life back on track. Go back to work. Start dating again. Then I have an episode like today. I was feeling pretty good. Showered and got ready to go to dinner with Jared and Jon. Red Robin. I can eat pretty much anything now so I order a salad with grilled chicken. Yummy. Couple of bites into it and all the sudden my throat forgets how to swallow. Closes up around the chicken, and I can't breath. Then my throat decides it's done with the chicken, and regurgitates it. At the same time, liquid starts pouring out of my nose. Mind you I am sitting next to my friend Jon, and across from my friend Jared. Thankfully, I had a napkin in my hand and everything I expelled was caught in the napkin. I think.
I was very embarrassed. The guys were gracious, though. I went into the bathroom to clean up, and cry a little, then returned to the table.
I ask you, how can I date, when I don't always have control of my bodily functions? Swallowing should be a simple thing that you just assume will happen automatically. I ended up taking most of my salad home with me, and am now attempting to eat it, but my throat is very sore now. It feels almost as though I have had a feeding tube down my throat. I think I have scraped it up good.
Yes, today was a reminder that I am not entirely well. May never be 100%. I am alive, and so very grateful for that. And grateful that the side effects are not worse than they are. I am doing remarkably well considering. At the same time, I sure would like to be able to eat a meal without worrying that I might choke, or constantly being aware of how much water is left in my glass.