Family is in town, cancer can now leave.

My sister, Barbara, is here for the weekend. It is always great to have her here. She is awesome! Tyrel, my awesome son, gave me a king size bed and Barbara helped me put new bedding on it last night. This bed, I love it, but it is a monstrosity! It takes up nearly all of my room, which is hilarious since it is only me sleeping in it.

I have a date with Steve tonight. 3rd date. We are watching a play that his daughter is performing in :) Sunday he is coming down for dinner. I have no idea what to make...Suggestions anyone?

Now for some dreaded cancer news (that doesn't involve me): An old friend of mine just had a double mastectomy. So sad when someone loses the girls, but as with any cancer or other illness, you learn to live with whatever it throws at you and you move on.

I found out yesterday that another old friend of mine, Lourdes, whom I worked with at Auto Meter, passed away in December. She had cancer as well. Cancer sucks. Plain and simple, it sucks. My neighbors have it, my friends are dying and losing body parts because of it. It just plain sucks!

Port removal YEAH!

Tomorrow I am scheduled to have my port removed. I am both excited and frightened at the prospect. Having it placed was very traumatic for me. I was awake during the procedure, but it is done in an operating room. Freaked me out. Hopefully this time won't be so bad, since I know what to expect, but I am still having a bit of anxiety about it. I asked if they could put me under, and they can't unless I have it done at the hospital. I would really rather have it done at the clinic. They do this procedure all the time. Man, I need to chill out about this!

Looks like my kids will drop me off. My mom will pick me up and I'll be texting people like mad while I am waiting. I had a heck of a time finding a ride. I am still waiting to hear back from Carrot Top. Left a message asking if he could come entertain while I wait to ease the tension :P

Good Weekend so far :)

I went shopping yesterday and today and found some really nice clothes to interview in. I am getting rather excited about the job hunt now. If I don't find something soon, I've thought about doing some volunteer work once a week until I find something.

Next week I will have a nasal scope done on Tuesday (my least favorite game) and Wednesday I meet with my Oncologist to go over the scope and the PET/CT scans from last week. I suppose we will work out a plan to follow up on me over the next couple of years at that time.

I am really wanting to get my port removed. The doctors want me to leave it in for 2 years in case the cancer comes back, but I want it out. It is a silly reason too. I tried on swim suits, and you can see the port. Now, you know I am not much of a swimmer, but I do plan on going a few times this year. Silly of me to have it removed for that reason, but I am really self conscious about it. Most people probably won't even notice, but it bugs me.

I am a little scared to have it taken out though. It was a horrible experience having it put in. I don't ever want to walk into an oporating room again. Maybe they will knock me out this time if I ask real nice and act a bit like a lunatic about it.

Testing, testing, one...two...three...

I went in for a PET scan and a CT scan this morning to check for any tiny amounts of cancer cells that may be hiding in my body somewhere.
This is the process:
1. Change into lovely hospital gown with coordinating hospital drawstring pants. Check my look in the mirror...decide not to take picture with cell phone and use it for dating website.

2. Radiologist puts IV in arm. Freak out a little because even though you are used to needles going into your chest now, it freaks you out to have them put into your arm for some strange reason.

3. Walk with radiologist outside of the hospital...yes...outside for the world to see your lovely hopsital gown attire.

4. Enter a trailer where you are seated in a recliner, pillows propped behind your head, and a warm blanked is placed upon your lap. Possibly to hide the ugly gown ensemble.

5. The radiologist then pours you not one, but two glasses of red kool aid laced with radiation, and asks you to drink. Contemplate for a moment, then decide against calling him Jim Jones, but giggle inside just a bit.

6. Watch as Mr Jones injects saline solution and more radioactive fun into your IV. Wonder if he is single.

7. Mr Jones then tells you to rest, move as little as possible in that comfy recliner, and he will be back in 45 minutes.

8. 45 minutes later: Wake up to Mr Jones, wipe kool aid stained drool off of chin, follow Mr Jones into the main building again to urinate. Flush twice because urine is now saturated with radiation that is aparently dangerous to everyone else in the hospital, but me.

9. Wonder why they had me drink it then pee it out.

10. Follow Mr Jones back to the trailer, listen to him talk about his family, which answers the question of his marital status. Sigh.

11. Lay down on a very skinny bed like structure with arms above your head. Mr Jones tells you not to move until the test is over, and takes your best friend away (water bottle).

12. Machine starts, time goes by very slowly without liquid refreshment. Silently curse yourself for not bringing a camel back.

13. 30 minutes later you are done. Follow Mr Jones back in to the hospital to remove IV, change back into real clothing and urinate some more (flushing twice again).

14. Walk out to car, realize you left water bottle in the hospital, walk back in a panic to find it. Drink heavily, refill at fountain, walk back to car again.

15. (optional) Meet mom at IHOP for the worst food you have tasted in a very long time.

16. Write about adventures of the day on blog, post.

Getting out for a bit

I went out with some friends for a bit last night. It was good to leave the house and get some fresh air. The weather was beautiful. I was worn out by 10, even though we didn't do much but eat and sit and talk.
I slept well last night. Most of my side effects are gone except for dry mouth and lips, slight headaches (not near as bad as they were) and lack of energy.

Today I am going to go grocery shopping and to pick up prescriptions. This seems daunting to me. Funny how such small things take so much effort now. I used to get up at 6 in the morning, work all day, then run errands and do housework and still have energy at the end of the evening. I know I will work my way back up to that, but its frustrating in the mean time.

I am grateful that I have the time to recover. If I still had a job, I would be going back soon, and I am not ready. My body is still healing, I just hope it hurries.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!!

Nausea

Last night I tried to go off of my nausea medication again. Didn't have great results. I was ok until about 11pm, then was very nauseated until 2am. Guess I still have some chemo in my system :(

I started taking them again last night, and feel somewhat better today. I am going to attempt shopping with my mom. We went on black Friday, and I only made it about an hour before I wanted to come back home.

It is getting difficult for me to go back out after being home for so long. I am a little anxious about it each time I go out. This is not like me. Anxiety in general is a new thing for me. Having cancer has given me insight into a lot of new feelings, and has helped me to feel empathy for people where I previously did not. While I don't love this illness or the treatment, I am grateful for all that I am learning right now. I don't think I could have learned some things any other way.

Visit with the doctor today

I had radiation today, then my weekly visit with a Radiation doctor. They rotate. Today was my first experience with Dr. Brown, and he was great. He was the first Oncologyst in Utah County a million years ago, and started with 2 patients. Cheery, bald, humorous old man and I love him. He told me this is going to get much worse....but is also willing to keep trying stuff to help me through it. Pain pills make me nauseous, so we are trying liquid. If that doesn't work, we will try a patch. I would have liked to try to patch first, but I would be constantly drugged. Are you kidding me? Drug me for 9 months, wake me when this is over!

They weighed me today, and I am down 10 lbs, which is too much. The dr threatened a feeding tube, so I tried very hard tonight. I drank a creamy chicken soup, a bit of OJ, some mini cookies in milk, then had Valerie bring me a donut (of which I ate 1/3) Right now I am trying another drinkinkable soup..creamy tomato parmesan bisque, which I thought would burn, but its suprisingly soothing. I think all together I've had around 800 calories. Which is high for the last 2 weeks. Way high. I think part of the reason I keep getting nauseous is that I don't eat enough to go with the massive amounts of pills I am taking. Blood thinners and anti nausea and anti anxiety so I can sit through the radiation mask for 20 minutes a day and sleeping pills and anti this and anti that. 

Right now, I am listening to Andrea Bochelli and sipping my soup and am very content and relaxed. 

Oh hey, want to send out a thank you to Kalynn for the ride and for taking my curtains to hem, thank you to Trudy for mowing my lawn, and to Jean for the roses, and thank you to Valerie for running Chris around and for the donut run! Thank you everyone else for the well wishes and emails and prayers!

Today, was a very good day!

Sleepless night

I had felt so good for days, but last night I hardly slept at all. I feel a large painful lump in my throat now where the radiation is killing the cells. It feels like a ball stuck in my throat, and it hurts to swallow, but also gags me when I try to swallow. I have to keep hydrated, but I don't want to eat because it hurts so bad. I tried taking something for pain last night. It only dulled it a bit, then it made me sick to my stomach and I spent a while on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet bowl again. Levi stayed up with me til I fell asleep at about 5am. He and Chris stayed home from church again. I am worried about them becoming inactive. I miss going to church. I miss food. I miss the taste and texture of food. I tried waffles last night. Even drenched in syrup, they were too rough going down. I think I'll stick to soups and puddings, altho pudding is starting to be too thick now. 

I hope for more sleep tonight. Even with Ambian, I only got a couple hours last night. 

2 weeks down!!!

Today marks the end of two weeks of radiation. YAY!

I missed Tuesday, so I have a total of 9 out of 33 done. Not sure why 33 is the magjc number, but it is. That's almost 1/3 of the way WHOOT WHOOT!!

Sleeping is proving to be difficult lately, so I got something to help with that today. If any of you see me driving while asleep, please send me home. Unless I look amazing and seem to be having fun. Then just let me be or join me. 

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Jeff hung out with me last night and Isabel took me to treatment today. I think I'll rest the rest of the weekend and gear up for week 3. 

Happy Friday!

Thankful

Monday when I was so sick, I kept wondering why such a terrible thing is happening to me. Why pain is a part of so many peoples' lives. And I was fervently praying that the doctors would be able to get my nausea under control so that I could tolerate the remainder of this necessary treatment. Tonight I was pondering the same question, and when I opened my scriptures came immediately to this:

 1 VERILY I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;

  2 Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

  3 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord

Doctrine and Covenants Section 98, verse 1-3

This revalation was given when the LDS saints were suffering persecution and driven from Missouri in rhw 1800s. 

2 in a row!!!

Today was another great day!

No nausea, at breakfast and lunch. Went to radiation and got more hydration and IV anti-nausea stuff to make sure....then radiation treatment which didn't bug today. Without the Ethyol shot, it is so much better! I saw the dr and he said there will be more side effects, but it just plain isn't an option for me to continue with it...which I am good with. 

After, I felt well enough to go to Brick Oven for dinner with my mom after. Salad actually tasted good (drenched in ranch of course). All my food has to be drenched in something lately. MMM Gravy!

While I was gone, Kalynn came over and cleaned my kitchen and brought fresh flowers and the cutest baby pumpkins and made my house smell fresh and look like Autum! I love her !!

Tonight, I'm listening to the debate, talked with Jared for a while, chatted with Jeff for a while, and am basically relaxing and enjoying the lack of nausea. 

I love you all!!!! YAY for good day!!!!

A little visit to the ER

Well, yesterday didn't go so well. After radiation I started throwing up and couldn't stop. I was in the ER for about 4 hours until they finally got it under control. My wonderful home teacher and a neighbor came over and gave me a blessing when I got home. It helped my spirits much! I was actually thinking about quiting treatment...but I know I have to do this. I had no idea how bad the treatment was going to be. I am hoping that I won't have anymore bad days like yesterday. My doctors met today and are changing my treatment a bit to avoid the severe nausea. They let me skip it today, and will resume again tomorrow. Wish me luck!!!!

MMMM chicken

A friend brought me some chicken and rolls and potato salad tonight, and I was able to hold it down (so far, it's only been 1/2 an hour). Seems odd to be blogging about what I eat or don't eat everyday. Maybe I should rename this "did Tracy puke today?" or something. 

My morning started out pretty good...ate a bowl of cereal, felt ok. Showered (hot shower, best part of the day). Chatted for a while with some friends online, then went to my radiation appt.  I get a shot just before radiation, and it makes me sick. One of the side effects. Ironically, the shot is intended to reduce the side effects of the radiation to my kidneys, salivary glands, and my ovaries (am I really gonna get a chance to use them before they shrivel up anyway???).

I came home and had a few visitors. Jon, Jared, Isabel, Kristin and Elizabeth (she is the friend/neighbor/relief society president who brought the chicken.

All in all, it has been a pretty good day. I think, though, I will call it a night. I am exhausted!

YAY tomorrow is friday and then I get two days off treatment!

This IS worse than dating!

It has NOT been a great couple of days. I'm starting to think cancer sucks. Monday was radiation and chemo. I was fine until about 10pm a headache and nausea hit hard. A friend let me lay my head on his shoulder, and honsetly, that helped more than anything. Yesterday Jill took me to radiation. It was #2 of 35 treatments. I have lost some hearing and taste already. I am going to an audiologist today to figure out the hearing loss. 

I am sorry for not returning calls and texts yesterday. It was a pretty bad night. Got out of bed to puke and that's about it. Please feel free to pass along my blog address to those who might be interested, as it looks like I won't always have the energy to explain what is going on, although I very much do appreciate everyone's concern! I will try to blog every day or so, and will log into msn when I feel up to it. 

Happy news! December will be my month off radiation, and the end of December, I am going to see Neil Diamond. It is cool to have something fun to look forward to, and the Diamond will be mellow enough I think. 

Babies and Group

My neice Whitney had her baby today. Kiah Denise Rasmussen. She is adorable, with black hair and very pink skin. Whitney is doing well. 

Later today I went to an education class at the cancer center. There was a women there who is still waiting for a diagnosis, and a 22 year old boy with his mother. The boy has been fighting cancer for 4 years. He looked very weak, thin, and had a hard time speaking, but seemed positive, and much wiser than a 22 year old should be. 

I got a call from RX America today. They will send me a months supply of a very expensive anti-nausea for 40$ (YAY!!!). It is normally hundreds of dollars for just a few pills. 

Tonight, I am going to sleep early and work all day tomorrow. 

Welcome to my life

Hi. I am Tracy. I started blogging recently as a way to communicate with family and friends. I was recently diagnosed with cancer, and this has proven to be an efficient way to update people on my health status. It is also providing a bit of release. I have recently found just how stressful health issues can be on your life.

Family and friends: Please feel free to pass along a link to my blog to other family members or friends who may want to be updated. I have been told it will become difficult for me to communicate verbally during treatment. Not impossible, but difficult. 

About my cancer...It is called Nasopharygeal. It is a rare cancer in the head and neck group. Basically a tumor in my pharynx (tube in my throat, that connects to the sinuses). I am a stage 2B, which my doctors have told me is treatable. In 9 months, I will be good as gold.  

For now...I am dealing with this the best I can and trying to focus on family and health and being strong and happy.