After effects

For some reason I had it in my head that as soon as I was done with chemo, everything would feel great. Not so much. It was much worse this time than the previous two rounds. I feel much more toxic. My mouth has been pretty tore up, and I've had pretty severe stomach aches and headaches. I have also been very weak. I am getting a bit stronger now, but for a couple of days, I could barely hold myself up on my legs.

I had been told that the 3rd round is the worst, but I didn't realize it would be this difficult. I am still bolstered with knowing that it is the last of it, and just have to accept that it will take a while to heal. My doctor had originally said a month or two after treatment ended, but I imagined it would be sooner. Guess he knew what he was talking about :)

Chemo tomorrow....LAST ONE YAY!

I have mixed feelings about tomorrow. I am so very excited to get it over with, so I hope my white blood cells are up enough to have it. But I also feel great right now and don't want to be sick again. Don't want to have to take all the anti-nausea pills again.

I need to keep reminding myself that it is only 5 days, then it is over!!! No more chemo. No more cancer. Time to recover and heal. Time to get back to normal.

The heading to my blog says that dating was more painful than cancer. It wasn't. Cancer (treatment) has been rough. I don't wish this on anyone. But I have been so very blessed during this time. Friends and family have been so supportive. I have so many people to thank (yes, I was watching the Oscars tonight).

I heard today that my neighbor, who has been fighting lung cancer for a couple of years, is now free of the disease. She was told a few months ago that there wasn't anything more the doctors could do, but she searched for someone who would continue to treat her, and I am so happy she did. She fought hard, and when she was given no hope, she still fought! I am so proud of her, and happy for her and her family.

I will be taking my (mom's) laptop to treatment tomorrow, and will be online if anyone wants to chat (tracerdawn@gmail.com on MSN), or stop by and say hi. I'll have blood tests and meet with the doctor at 12:30, then will be in the chemo chair hooked up to an IV from about 1:30 to 4. I'm on the second floor of the Central Utah Clinic across from the Provo Hospital.

5 days of poison then I am done. I can hardly believe it!!!

Much better

My chemo line was removed yesterday YAY!
I know there is still chemo running through my veins, but emotionally and physically I felt better almost immediately. I am still quite weak, and sleeping much, but I feel stronger and more alert when I am out of bed.
I was able to eat most meals during this round. Thank you Elizabeth for bringing me dinner!
I was given a shot (again) to help produce white blood cells. It is a tiny needle, but one of the most painful shots I've ever had. Last time the shot kicked in, I wasn't able to walk much for a couple of days because the bone marrow in my hips went into overdrive. We'll see which bones decide to make the white blood cells this time.

My house is a mess as I haven't done much of anything for the past week. The boys are home just long enough to make a mess then go to work. Levi is home today though so we will work on it.

I only have 2 weeks to recover this time, but I am excited to start the next round of chemo since it is my last. I can't believe I am almost done! Woot Woot!!

Sleepy sleepy

Day 3 of the 5FU chemo, and not too many side effects. The main one is that I am so very tired. I slept 10 hours last night, and will go back to sleep here in a few minutes.
Right now I am stressing a bit about money, but Levi is working more hours now. His last paycheck was only for 8 hours. I will be happy to get back to work, which I am hoping will be the first of April. As long as I heal quickly from these last 2 chemo infusions. I am hopeful. I seem to have healed quite quickly each time.

I have a friend who has volunteered to call the medical billing centers and set up payment schedules and such. That will help immensely.

Bring on the poison, I can take it

Every time I go in for chemo, they weigh me. I have lost another 10 pounds since my last appointment 4 weeks ago. The doctor and nurse were not happy and I got chewed out a bit and grilled about my eating habits. Most days I am lucky to get one full meal in, but I try to add a slimfast or ensure to that (slimfast tastes much better). Today I had a fried egg sandwich before I left, chicken mcnuggets while I was getting the chemo, and will be eating pizza for dinner with the guys. I'm pretty sure I won't lose any today :)

I bought some popsicles to much on while I have the fanny pack o chemo. The cold shuts off the blood flow in your mouth, so the chemo isn't deposited there. This helps much to avoid mouth sores. This helped a lot last time, although I still got a few blisters when I would eat. They don't really hurt, just annoying (and gross). Maybe that is why I just plain don't want to eat most of the time.

Wearing the fanny pack isn't bothering me near as bad this time as it did before. Partly because I knew what to expect, but also because I am so close to being done now. I will have my last chemo on February 23rd, and will be done on the 27th. I am so happy!!!

I will have March to recover, then plan on going back to work the first week in April. I may go back part time for the first week or two and work my way up to full time. I feel pretty good much of the time, but take quite a few anti nausea pills and other things to get me feeling OK. I would like to be off of all meds before starting back to work. I have had memory issues lately...not sure if it is the medication or the chemo.

Are there any other diseases besides cancer where the cure is so rough? It is on going to the doctor feeling healthy, and he gives you something that makes you feel sick. I know it works. I have read enough about it to know that it works...but it sure isn't a whole lot of fun. I am so grateful to the technology we have today. The survival rates are going up all the time. A decade ago this would have killed me. 4 years ago and the radiation would have blinded me, and the chemotherapy would have taken all my hearing. Can any of you imagine me being deaf and blind? Well, we all know I would still talk and talk and talk.
This is sort of a plug for people to donate to cancer research. They haven't found a magic cure all yet, but they sure make leaps and bounds in making the treatment less debilitating. Also, I'm going to give a plug for the Central Utah Clinic. The doctors and nurses there are amazing. I have never been treated with so much respect. Get your suggested tests done...mamograms, colonoscopys etc... Take care of your bodies, and do all you can to prevent this or detect it early. But if you do end up needing a place to go, this is a beautiful place.

Hope everyone has a great week. Feel free to email me this week as I will probably be home for most of it and love to hear from you.

Chemo tomorrow

Tomorrow I get poisoned again. I will have carboplatin (a platinum based chemo) administered at the cancer center, then they will hook me up to the 5FU that I will carry with me in a fanny pack for the next 5 days. I really hate this part. I can hear the little machine pumping poison into me every 20 seconds or so. Mentally, I think this has been the hardest part. I find comfort in the fact that I will have only one more treatment after this one. Also, the last time I had this treatment, I didn't lose all of my sense of taste, although I did lose my appetite.
Today I feel pretty darn good, although very tired. I have been sleeping quite late this past week.
My mom will be driving me to treatment, which is good, because left to myself, I just may not go.
I will miss my usual Monday night dinner with my friends tomorrow night. I don't like to go anywhere with the fanny pack on, so I will probably be home until Friday. I have talked to my boys about making sure I eat over the next 5 days. With the chemo pack on, I am happy to just lay in bed and not eat but I know I need to keep my strength up.
For today, I am enjoying a peaceful Sunday, feeling almost normal :)

Feelin' good

I have felt pretty darn good the last few days. I am sleeping a lot, but feel pretty healthy. I feel like the chemo chemicals are all out of my body and things are back to normal. You know what that means? It means it's time for chemo again!
Monday-Friday I get to wear the lovely fanny pack again.

You know how some people shave their heads to support loved ones with cancer? I think you should all wear fanny packs in support of me! He he he.

Love you all!
Tracy

You want to stick what up my nose?

I went to the Ear Nose Throat doctor today. Dr Denys. He is the doctor that discovered my cancer and did the biopsies on my lymph nodes and tumor. He is also the doctor that puts a camera in my nose to check out the tumor. Not my favorite game. He didn't do that today, but once I finish chemo, he would like to scope me every month for the first year, and every 2 months for the second so that if the tumor comes back, we can catch it early. If it comes back, I can't do the same kind of radiation again, so we would have to go a different route. More chemo and or surgery. The surgery on that part of the body is very difficult though so we are just gonna pray that it doesn't come back. Today he verified that I have fluid behind my left ear drum. I am more prone to infection and issues because of the location of the cancer, and because of the radiation to that area. He gave me more antibiotics and said if the infections continue, they will put tubes in my ears. Apparently for adults, they can just do that in the office. I really don't want to be awake for a procedure like that, but it probably won't be worse than the scope. Man I don't love that scope.


Oh also, want to remind everyone that I love visitors, but please be healthy if you come over. Thanks a bunch!

Take it easy

I woke up this morning feeling pretty darn good. Showered and put a face on, and even put some effort into my hair (for a change). I met some co-workers at Good Wood to say goodbye to one of them, Richard, who is leaving. Congrats on (almost) finishing school, Richard!!!

It was great to see everybody and great to be able to eat! After about an hour, I started to feel so run down. I went back to the office and for a bit, felt like I might pass out. I sat down in Jeff's cube and regrouped enough to make it home, then got straight into bed.

I am ok to stay in bed when I'm really sick, but as soon as I start to feel better, I want to get up and be normal. Then I get a quick reminder that my body isn't normal right now. My body has poison in it. Lots O Poison. Poison that will save my life, but right now my body doesn't really know that.

So...I will try to continue to take it easy so that I am healthy enough to get poisoned again in February :)

A bit better

Today I feel a bit better than I have since starting the latest round of chemo, although still weak and a bit nauseous. I went to the pharmacy and even braved Walmart for a bit. I am still not eating much, but did get down some yogurt, a couple almonds, and a half a cracker. I am going to drink a Slimfast before I go to bed as well. I made vegetable soup today thinking I could eat that, but it tasted like metal :(

I sometimes wish I had gotten the feeding tube in my stomach. I feel better when I have eaten, but it is so hard with the mouth sores and the lack of or altered tastes. I suppose I will happy when this is all over with and I don't have that scar on my stomach.

I heard from a friend tonight who is in Cabo for vacation. How I look forward to next summer, feeling well, and being on vacation somewhere...anywhere. It is a gift I want to give to myself when I am all done with this. A vacation.

One more day YEAH!

Tomorrow the IV that is pumping minute amounts of chemo into my system every 10 minutes will be removed. I would rather go in and have chemo administered every day than this. For one thing, it is a constant reminder that I have cancer, and that something toxic is going into my body every few minutes. Also, It is a pain having an IV line. The fanny pack is easier than a standard IV pole, but still a pain. It is difficult to sleep in the same position every night too. And I worry that I will pull the IV out in my sleep, which I haven't, although one night I spilled water and jumped up quickly to clean it up and just about pulled it out. That was not pleasant!

I am not having the usual said effects from the chemo (yet?) but I am looking pretty ill. My face is yellow and I just plain don't look healthy. Tomorrow afternoon the pump will be off, and even though the chemicals will still be in my body, I will be able to move around more and feel like I have some freedom back.

I am down to 155 lbs. Which isn't tiny, but I started at 190 just 3 months ago. I ate as much as I could in between chemos, but still lost weight. I hope to be able to eat enough to keep my body healthy throughout the rest of treatment.

tethered

I don't like being tethered to this IV. I guess having it in a fanny pack, rather than a tall IV line holder on wheels like they use in the hospital and clinic is much better, but I still don't like it.

During the night, I spilled a cup of water on my night stand, where I keep EVERYTHING, and I instinctively jumped up to get a towel, forgetting about the fannypack. It almost pulled the line out of my chest. Not good. Scared the heck out of me. But it seems to be ok.

I will be taking it easy at home this week. Friday I get the IV out and will try to resume normal activity. So far the side effects have been minimal, but I am on a lot of meds again that inhibit my ability to drive. They also effect my memory. I remember very little about when I was going through chemo and radiation the first time. It is kind of a blur.

I want to thank everyone who helped out during that time with rides and food and support and prayers. People shoveled my drive way and donated money and one lady even brought over a rose or other beautiful flower every week, the entire time I was going through treatment. Thank you also for your prayers. It is nice to see that so many people care. It is, at times, overwhelming. I am very lucky to have you all!

Much love in return!
Tracy

Poison in a purse

My white blood cell count was high enough to start chemo today. Last week I was at 2. This week I'm 3. Normal is 4-11. I went in at 1 and left at 4:30 this afternoon. During that time they accessed my port, took 3 vials of blood, then I saw the oncologist. He told me to eat ice constantly if I can so that the vessels in my mouth with constrict and limit the amount of chemo that resides there. Otherwise the chemo will cause mouth sores, which I had experienced a bit of over the past few weeks. Not fun. The other common side effect of the new chemo is diarrhea. If I experience this fun new game, I am to take 2 immodium tables. Each time this happens, I take 2 more, even if I am taking them every half hour. If it lasts 24 hours, I am to go to the clinic. I am very much hoping to avoid this side effect.

After visiting with the Dr, they hooked me up to hydration and carboplatin (the same chemo I was getting last time, but now a higher dose). They injected some really good anti-nausea meds in there too as well as something that made me quite loopy. That took about 2 hours, then they brought out the lovely fanny pack. It is black and huge. They hooked me up (via my port and an IV line) to a regulator. The regulator is attached to a bag of Fluorouracil (also called 5FU). This will pump the 5FU chemo drug into me in tiny doses over the next 5 days. I carry it around in the fanny pack, and I hate it! I'm sure I will get used to it soon enough though. Don't know how well I will sleep with this thing on. I don't love to sleep on my back, but it looks like that's my only option for now.

After the clinic visit, I stopped by the pharmacy to get more anti nausea pills and some anti diarrhea meds just in case. I really hope to not need them. If so, I probablyy won't spare you the details, because part of the reason I write this is to one day help someone who is going through the same thing. I want them to be prepared.

So far, I have some ringing in the ears, and my hearing is a little fainter than normal. I am not feeling sick, just tired. I can still taste food, so I am going to have a good dinner tonight with the kids.